Cyan Gunner
Wed, 12/19/2012 - 21:00
A gloved hands clenches to confirm a stable grip, turned around to be future inspected, it reaches for a gun, it's has scratches that seems that it had indure some epic shoot outs, the armed hand flips the barrel open to be checked and flips it back in and give it a spin before placing it back in the holster.
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A dark figure with the same gloved hands with a grey hat with its rim just low enough to cover his eyes but high enough to show his charming smirk, which is decending in an elevator, the brigt floors passing by try to shine light onto the figures face but the elevator moved to fast for it.
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When the elvator stopped it gave the passensger a shake, the figure lifted his hat up to reveal his eyes and gave his surrlundings a quick scan, his companion also a figure with a simillar loadout but it was less advanced gave abig smile while saying "So dad, this is the place where i'll learn to be a great gun-slinger like you eh?" "don't let it get to your head Thomas, i'm only bringing you here to hunt some wolvers for dinner" replied Dad.
Wellmore will come soon, i do hope some maybe enjoy my story, but i dont expect it to be perfect...
but ill try to improve from feed back, so it appreciated that you give some, :)
Wed, 12/19/2012 - 22:50
#2
oooo.....
apperantly there are others with a greater writing skills than me, but still the stories are mine to create and yours to admire.....
still brewing up the cliffhanger for the next chapter.
Wed, 12/19/2012 - 22:57
#3
Just some advice
A good story, regardless of medium, is timeless and always a pleasure to read.
However, part of what makes a story a pleasure to read is developing style and strong control of language. I'm no story writing or literary genius, but I do wish to advise you to think a story through so you can devote more time to the execution of the story than simply the story.
Fri, 12/21/2012 - 22:03
#4
Part Two
On a starless nigth, ashes filling the present air. A woman holding baby wrapped in blue cloth being leaded by a man with brigth cyan eyes trough a blazing inferno that was once their humble home.
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The woman had to yell to the man over the roars of the blazing fire, "hold Thomas for me, I'll go warn the other villagers". So the man ran to a safe place with the baby but after weeks... the woman never came back.
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"Dad! Dad!", The man snapped from his flashback, "I think i found something" the man walk towards his son with his gun in his hand. "So what did you found?" "A stray choroma over there" as he points it a few feet from where they are "we can conner it at that wall over there. But first, you need to try and sneak up it, those bushes there can provide some good cover. I'll follow behinde you."
Part three coming (hopefuly) after X'mas.
Sat, 12/22/2012 - 14:21
#5
nice work!
...to both of you. LOL.
As a side note, my fan-fic (That only one person has looked at), is here: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/70858
Sat, 12/22/2012 - 14:33
#6
Naughty Tedme, advertising.
Naughty Tedme, advertising.
Sat, 12/22/2012 - 15:23
#7
LOL
yeah, yeah. did you look at it though?
Fri, 12/28/2012 - 19:25
#8
i would say no advertising her but..
then i might do it myself... anyhow the story migt come out slow cause im on vacation, i'll be back by new year. Now back to the story.
After aknowledging his father's advice. Thomas tried to aviod any twigs on the floor while sneaky to the bush ahead, suddenly he remembered somthing he forgot to tell his son so he whispered "remember don't shoot it, we don't want to find lead in our dinnner", Thomas dissapointly place his gun back in his holster and took out a small blue dagger, he sneaked abit closer to his dinner, he raised his armed arm (derp) and trew the dagger into the chorma's forehead, he jumped up and cheered but didn't notice he scared away the wolver his dad hunting, his dad gave him a frown and shoke his head in dissapointment.
i can't write much right now cause its hard to type with the small buttons on my phone.
Sat, 12/29/2012 - 01:53
#9
Do to others as they do to you
Tedme advertises on here, advertise on Tedme's. Logic knows no bounds
Mon, 01/07/2013 - 00:36
#10
part Trio
"Your cooking dinner today", trying to change topic Thomas pointed and yelled "Oo, look mail" as he rushed to the mail box. "Bills, junk, mail from milatary, jun.... wait mail from milatary? Dad have a look at this" "Hey guess i have one less mouth to feed" followed by a chuckle. "Funny, but does it come with a price? you know these things aren't always free...." "Best hundred can choose to serve the country, but the training course is still free. Guess i'll be sending you there." "you must be kidding" thomas replied with a shocked expresion.
Gloved hands reach down and clench on the solid grip of a hunting handgun. The Knight whips out the weapon and admires it. Scratches adorn the barrel, an ever-present reminder of the great gunfights it had once faced. The Knight opens the chamber. Two rounds. A quick spin of the handle, and the weapon returns to its sacred place at the side of the Knight.
The Knight tips his gray hat, the rim obscuring his eyes but not his piercing smile. He stands in an elevator, speeding downwards. Flashes of light dance off his face and body, enough to reveal but not see.
The elevator lurches to a halt. The Knight steps outside, lifting his hat up and taking in the fresh air. Another figure appears out of the shadows, his trappings those of a novice, wearing a smile as big as the bullets of his companion's weapon.
"Dad, this is the place where you'll teach me to be a great gunslinger like yourself?" says the companion.
"Do not delude yourself with such visions of fantasy, Tomas. You will be, one day. Right now, we only need these hounds for our dinner."