So...?
She said black hair with streaks of red... so I posted Malese Jow(Lucy Stone in Big Time Rush). :/
A Hidden Danger. [Fan-Fiction] The End! Vote for the start of a new fic! Read the last Chapter!
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 02:27
#202
Tue, 09/17/2013 - 06:16
#203
yeah.
Maybe a chapter this week? Still planning. Got a GREAT idea tho.
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 07:02
#204
Chapter it out!
Chapter Twenty Two:
Carter sat on his chair, sending occasional glances at Rose. She was silent from the moment the factory exploded.
Feron glanced at her too, then cleared his voice. “Carter.... how ‘bout you tell us what happened in the factory...?”
Carter nodded, then proceeded, sending glances at Rose. Rose didn’t budge, her jaw set tight as she listened on to the events.
“So yeah.... then I grabbed Rose and came back.”
Feron nodded, then grabbed at his tablet. “Well... according to here.... they’re still alive, barely. We might send a recon team to get them out...” He glanced up, to see Rose slapping a note down on his table, then sprinting off to the the Arcade. He looked down, to see the words, ‘I’m going. Do NOT stop me.’ Feron looked back up to Carter, then told him, “Go after her. She’ll need the help.” Carter nodded back, and raced off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rose searched through the debris, lifting and throwing the occasional scrap metal. Carter trudged along, stifling a yawn. It was hours already, but Rose wasn’t ready to give up.
She grabbed yet another piece, threw it when she saw something. It was nothing really, just something white, but her keen eye quickly spotted it, then grabbed at it. There was a groan, and Rose blinked. She immediately grabbed Carter, pointed at Fang’s wing, then started digging. It was a while before she got Fang, and she pulled him out of the rubble, head swiveling to find Kyrie.
She spotted a finger, and quickly dug him out, hugging him in excitement. Then she noticed her Spiral Uplink. There was the Status of Kyrie, Fang and Carter. Carter’s read: Armour: 100%, Health 100%.
Fang’s: Armour: 20% Health: 100%
Kyrie’s: Armour: -20% Health: 12% Critical condition. Suggestion: Immediate medical attention.
Rose’s heart sank, then immediately grabbed him, and ran onto the Elevator. She slammed her fist on the ‘UP’ Button, Carter barely getting on with Fang. “Everything’s going to be alright...”
__________________________
The biotechs hurried around Fang and Kyrie’s bodies, fiddling with their tools.
“Just get on with it!” Rose yelled, startling them.
“Young lady, you are disturbing us. Lives would be lost... please calm down.”
Rose was about to retort, when Carter laid a hand on her shoulder, “Calm down. Let them do this.”
She seethed, but then let them do their work. The biotech’s first connected them up to a machine, then to each other. They grabbed a scalpel, and begun cutting at Kyrie’s flesh. They inserted something inside, grabbed a Mist Tank, then poured its contents into the wound. It instantly begun to grow, the flesh mending by itself. The doctors then applied some medicine on his skin, and checked his head. Grabbed a needle, they injected something into Kyrie, took a blood sample, then got another Mist Tank. They poured it again, and threw the now-empty tank. They applied a pressure bandage onto his wounds, then set his leg into a cast. Everything seemed well, when suddenly the machine which read Kyrie’s pulse, emitted a drone. BEEP......................................
Rose suddenly went still, and a Biotech turned to Feron, and sadly shook his head. Rose blinked a few times, and turned to Feron, not believing.
Feron’s voice was barely a whisper, “I’m so sorry.”
Rose blinked, and in that second, her numbness turned into sadness, which turned into anger. She grabbed her Scythe, and sunk it’s blade into Feron’s side. “Yeah, and I’m sorry that you won’t live to see this.” Her voice cracking, she turned to slash at another biotech, then another. The few guards with sidearms were taken down immediately after them aiming. In a matter of seconds, everyone was dead, except for Carter, who had his Gran Faust out.
“Rose... calm down.” He wheezed.
Rose didn’t reply, instead walking to Fang. He was mysteriously dead, but Rose swore she didn't touch him. She walked over to his pulse monitor, and checked the time. It was dead once Kyrie’s was dead. She shrugged, then kicked at Carter’s legs. It gave way, and Rose immediately placed her blade next to his neck. “You aren’t telling anyone.” She stood up, and walked out the front doors, with Carter watching her.
_________________________
“This is the Spiral Order Police Force! Put your hands in the air, and your weapon down!” A loudhailer voice boomed through the air, and Rose grinned. She continued walking into the forest, Eclipse still in her hand.
“I will not repeat this! Put your hands in the air, and surrender!”
Rose frowned, and put her scythe onto the ground, and reached for her Blackhawk. The police saw this, and opened fire. She raised her shield as she felt bullets ping the floor around her, and she returned fire. She did not waste ammunition. One shot = 1 kill. She began to retreat into the forest, with the police advancing. Finally, she ran out of ammo. She was surrounded. So she did the natural thing. She turned, and ran. The bullets pinged around her, so she raised her shield in response. Jumping up, she swung up to a tree, up into higher ground, and lost the police. She used her time to take a break, and tried to lower herself easily, then fell. She landed in front of a pair of Wolvers, which cocked their heads. Rose immediately brought her scythe to bear, then noticed something. One was a Vog Cub, one was a Skolver Cub.
“Kyrie? Fang?”
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 07:16
#205
So you noticed, too. Dammit, Top... Why... Why did we have to get THAT pinged out, too?
I read Fang's application as I wrote at the spinoff, and noticed "vog cub coat/cap". Then just pursued the draft of Kyrie having a Skolver path.
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 07:26
#206
Ummm
Actually, Fang is the skolver (peaceful) while Kyrie the vog
Sat, 09/21/2013 - 16:33
#207
So basically, we're going reverse-- Fang wore a Vog Cub hipe, along with the Fang of Vog, and a Heater Shield. Then Kyrie wore an Ash Tail Hide... With a Glacius. Reversed, Fang becomes the Skolver, Kyrie becomes the enraged, well, time to go back to Vog!
Sun, 09/22/2013 - 18:33
#208
Yep!
^^
Sun, 09/22/2013 - 20:32
#209
Loving this.
If drake comes back could you make it that he is like a sassy getto person? (Don't wanna be racist...)
Sun, 09/22/2013 - 23:01
#210
Drake>
Who's drake? xD
Mon, 09/23/2013 - 02:02
#211
Forgive me, but I needed to Knight Change for a while.
Feels good.
Mon, 09/23/2013 - 05:11
#212
Aplication
Name: Stark-Nova(or stark)
Race: Isoran/Valkrie
Story: He was an orphan who was abandonded after birth. He was all alone until Valkryies found him. For the next few yeara, they cared for him and trained him. They imprinted themselves on him in a way. Much like fang was but it wasn't an expirement. He had valkrie wings which with he could fly,(don't need to add that) and he was very fast. So fast it looked like he could teleport. The valkries found armour left of deas knights and gave him them. He was very strong. But one day scientists came looking for the valkries for expirements. They were all killes. He was found whimpering under the rubble. He was brought back as a recruit but he immedeiately surpassed everyone. He then fell in love with another knight it had actually been his firat time in a group because before he coukd always handle himself. They were going to take diwn the snarbolax. But when they came she was impaled by a spike. Then in rage, WITHOUT the beast bell he slashed through the beast. He was too fast. When he got back he never and vowed not to love or make friends since everyone close to him dies. He became one of the spiral order's best. Even though everyone knew he was powerful no one ever teamee with him. He didn't let anyone. This was because when he waa bullied, he challenged the person to a lockdown match. He beat him down and the bully pleaded but Stark codly stabed his weapon through his heart.
Abilities: Very fast Dual wields and has an ability when he rages and is so fast he can only be detected with sound since me moves so quickly.
Age:17-20 (don't care much)
Weapons: Dual welds a shock infused final flourish and a fire infused Barbarous thrin blad. Also has a shock infused winmillion and fire infused callahan.( loves fire and shock.)
Armour: Divine helm and chaos cloack.
Life expectancy make him die surrounded and when he takes everyone down with him.
Mon, 09/23/2013 - 06:01
#213
Tops, maybe he's referring to Drake, Rose' drakon battle sprite :o
Tue, 09/24/2013 - 14:40
#214
bump
Bumpy bumpedy bump
Also my characters personality is quite sirius but inside he has a warm heart.
He also hates people like villians and perverts and bullies.
I would also prefer for him to be good. (Just if ya didn't get the message)
For a shield he has a shield bracelet (look it up on wiki) it doesn offer much defense but it it is better than nothing and regenerates faster then most shieds. But even with this stark can dodge almost anything so it would only come in use for defense.
Tue, 09/24/2013 - 15:36
#215
stuff
1) You don't need to bump this. I'm at school, so it's going to take a long time for a chapter.
2) Sirius is not accepted due to the fact this fan fic is ending. But I am planning to write a sequel. :D
3) I kinda forgot about the battle sprites. Let's assume that they got captured by the HQ
Tue, 09/24/2013 - 16:22
#216
Aww...
Will it be accepted in the sequel?
Tue, 09/24/2013 - 18:43
#217
One thing.
“Well... according to here.... they’re still alive, barely. We might send a recon team to get them out...” ~ Feron from the latest Chapter.
Edo was never alive, he combusted and was blown apart to the far corners of the facility.
So if they did/do send a recon team down, will my OC just end up salvaged and put into some other machine?
Or just left as scrap?
I need Closure with the little Gremlin robot with amnesia ._.
Tue, 09/24/2013 - 19:00
#218
Hey uh is this an error
Kyrie flung himself at Kyrie, slashing him across the chest.
“GOD FUC* YOU!” Kyrie yelled, as he inserted his Iceburst Brandish into Kyrie’s stomach.
Kyrie suicide
Going all madman like someone said before
Chapter 19
Wed, 09/25/2013 - 02:37
#219
Dudes....
1) Edo WILL be rebuilt... maybe. Gremlins scavenge things too.
2) Kyrie did NOT suicide. It was a stupid typo.
Wed, 09/25/2013 - 21:28
#220
/e is grounded, will not be able to comment for a week.
Sun, 09/29/2013 - 02:18
#221
Ashen my burnt hut, but wonderful the lilies blooming in the ash
Spent some time to read through this...quite amazed!
Definitely not the best story I have read, but don't be depressed, there can only be *one* "best story". However, it has exhibited awesome qualities! I like the fast moving plot, the hidden mysteries and the extraordinary settings. You also employed your character apps quite skillfully :3
I really love how you interact with your audience. I wish I could do the same myself! :w:
I am personally not too interested in romance; I see that your story are filled with these...which I found quite interesting xD. As long as your readers like it it remains a good write!
GL HF with your writing, I can't wait for more! Keep it up and I'll send you a cookie!
Sun, 09/29/2013 - 15:44
#222
Thanks!
Wow. Seriously, just wow. Smcall and Vivdeus (Quite new tho. xD) has commented on meh. Well, Smcall DID comment on a swear. xD
Anyways, thanks for the comments and stuff. I'll try to respond to that. Paragraph by Paragraph.
1) Thanks for the compliments, and of course, this isn't the best story. xD I'm still *kinda* young, so my writing isn't that good yet.
2) Interact with the audience? Most of the time, I'm begging for comments.
3) Romance... Ah. Was never in the story in the draft. BUT then a friend of mine kept writing stuff (I won't say the word porn) so I got inspired. xD
4) Yeah, I'm having fun... but still.... I don't write chapters in one big go, THEN post. I write, post, then start writing. Because of that, I'm slow, and Homework and stuff makes me slower.
Anyways, again, thanks for the comments and all, I'll try to improve, but I would like to say that your fan-fic, is the 2nd best fan-fic I've ever read. 1st goes to Artifice. xD
Sun, 09/29/2013 - 21:51
#223
Welp, now I can comment, now that my ban is lifted...
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 02:37
#224
Hey guys!
Hello! New Chappie, and the end of Hidden Danger! Thanks for reading! Well, I'll let the readers vote. Let me expand on Rose's lore, (I've already got a plan!) or just let me start another story. If you choose the former.... you'll get quicker chapters than the other story, cause I gotta plan. xD
Sorry for the short chapter, but... here it is!
Chapter Twenty Three:
Their meeting was interrupted by a great deal of crashing, and snapping. She twirled around to find.... Carter crashed through into the clearing, Gran Faust aloft. She instantly snapped at him, “What are you doing here?”
“Feron’s own bodyguards.... coming to get you!”
As if right on cue, branches snapped and two figures came out, wearing blood red uniforms. In their hands was a Dual Elemental staff. A Glacius on the top, and a Voltedge. Their roared, and charged forward. Suddenly, a huge beast lunged, pinning one of them, and biting off another with it’s gigantic jaws. A gust of wind blew past Rose, and froze the other royal guard in place. The beast turned, it’s fur flickering flames, and it snarled at Rose. She froze, when she heard a voice speak.
“Brother. Calm down. Let me speak to her.” She turned, to see a snow white Wolver, gazing at her.
Rose gasped, and exclaimed, “You’re... You’re the Skolver!”
Skolver bowed her head, and smiled, “Yes. Yes I am. This is my brother Vog.” The fiery Wolver roared again. “As I was saying, I wanted to talk to you. I brought you here.”
“What do you mean, brought me here?” Rose asked.
“I just... brought you here. Anyways, if you noticed, these.... cubs, are actually Kyrie and Fang. They wanted to be with you even after they died, so.... I reincarnated them. Into cubs.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. So.... here’s the deal. Fang and Kyrie can’t go out into Haven, they’ll get killed. Plus, you’re on the run from Haven. So.... what if you stay here, and stick with Kyrie and Fang?”
“Wow.”
“You can visit Haven from time to time, but we’ll need the situation in Haven to calm itself down first.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah, but I’m sorry Carter can’t join you.”
“Why not?”
“I’ll explain later.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Carter blinked, and ran to Rose. “You’re going in there? With two talking Wolvers?”
“Yeah. I guess it’s bye then.”
“Bye.” When suddenly Carter blinked, and disappeared.
“Wiped his mind of this meeting, and teleported him back to the barracks. So are you coming or not? We’ll need to go deeper into the forest to be safe.”
“I’m coming.” Rose said softly, and walked, step by step with the two Wolvers, into the forest.
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 06:41
#225
Well, the good thing is... Wait, there is no good thing. And now... When Vog and Skolver die, Kyrie and Fang, respectively, take their place as Kings of Summer and Winter. :P
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 17:32
#226
---
Chapters Carter spent injured: 6
Number of times Carter swung his sword: 3. All three attacks apparently failed.
Kind of a quick ending, was expecting a bit more. You did leave a few errors and details. (the disappearance of the sprites, gender/person mix-ups) I think you made the mistake of making the main characters incredibly overpowered, as compared to the other people.
7/10: Errors = Minus 1
Pacing = Minus 1
Dialogue, Turning the fiction into a love story = Minus 1
Your interaction with your audience was very nice, but I feel you let them decide a little too much.
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 17:51
#227
Sad kaiju is sad
So... No moar yandere? Sorry if I seem a little overbearing, but... Rose spent 90% of the story deciding between Fang and Kyrie... I made her to be a mindless killer; the love thing was just a nice twist. Again, sorry if I'm demanding, but (if you make a new fic) could you portray rose's more maniacal side? Pwease? *giant pleading chibi baby eyes*
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 18:06
#228
Derp. :3
I should probably refresh the forums more often.
Hello, Kaij. We've been expecting you.
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 18:08
#229
Derp. :3
You missed it.
I changed my name twice.
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 18:09
#230
Derp. :3
Do some digging. I'll bet you may not be able to guess who I be!
Mon, 10/07/2013 - 20:49
#231
|_|
Who are you, crimson? >.<
Tue, 10/08/2013 - 06:16
#232
Clue...clue?
Tue, 10/08/2013 - 15:36
#233
AHa!
Isekuube.... Where are you? (Clue enough. xD)
Btw, thinking of starting a Fan-Fiction. Game of Death. Main characters are still used. Others who wants to enter, post an entry. I will be using another thread.
If it isn't Smcall himself. Didn't notice. But thanks!