<<[The World of Praetorius: IMPORTANT NOTICE]>>

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Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus

IMPORTANT: Prologue can be found here: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/77859

IMPORTANT: Bio of the Beta Team and Others can be found here: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/78149

IMPORTANT NOTE: ALL OTHER CHAPTERS ARE CONTINUED IN COMMENTS. Thank you.

Hullard and Hart rushed through the shadows. The smooth stone floor clacked with every step they took. The only thing keeping them from being blinded by the darkness was Hart's helmet light, and that too was weakening. Hullard checked his minimap.

"Doc's near, c'mon!" Hullard motioned to Hart. They both quickened their pace. Soon they saw a faint light in the distance. It was the light coming off the screen of a gate. Lee stood by it. The doctor sighed , relieved to find another knight in this place.

"Oh, thank goodness Hullard. I thought I was the only one who survived the fall. Where's the rest of the team?" Hullard grimaced. Lee nodded in realization. "Oh...that's too bad..." Hart put out his hand, a Health Capsule in it. "No thanks, I'm fine." Lee pushed it away. Suddenly, they heard a scraping noise in the dark. A knight limped out of the shadows. His armor was pierced and dented, and a sharp, thin silver blade was stuck in his soldier. Hullard caught the soldier as he fell.

"Death...it came...from above..." The soldier coughed. "It was...so..fast..."

"Hart, gimme a Health Capsule, stat!" Hullard gave the capsule to the soldier. "What happened to the rest of the squad soldier?" Hullard asked. "What happened out there?"

The soldier weakly retold that he was stranded and lost with two other knights, and they had sensed other knight signals on the minimal. But as they journeyed to join the other knights, they were attacked.

"It was like fighting lightning...flew on steel wings, and they fired the arrows of gods..." Lee put his hand on Hullard's shoulder.

"We need to go. Now." Lee said. Hullard helped the soldier to his feet. "Come on soldier, you're gonna-" Hullard was interrupted when another thin silver blade impaled itself in the soldier's head. The soldier was dead. A screeching noise filled the air.

"Run! Move!" Hullard threw the body over his shoulder and dashed to the gate. The platform lowered itself into the Clockworks. Lee realized something. If everyone was here, that meant that everyone else was dead. Only Hullard, Hart, and himself were alive. They had started out as thirty, but now only three were left. Lee shook his head.

"What is this place..."

When they got to the bottom of the shaft, Hullard saw a river. He walked to it, and found a few lily pads to lay the soldier on. Hullard placed the soldier's shield and sword on on the body's chest. They all watched as the body floated away. Hullard saluted, and cried. Lee sat down on the ground. How many more must die in this accursed place...too many, it seems, he thought. Then as he got up, he spotted a golden shaft of light in the distance.

"Guys, come over here..." Lee motioned to them to come. Hart squinted his eyes.

"What is that..." Lee shrugged at Hart.

"Only one way to find out." The group made their way to the light. They found a gigantic gate, a crack open. Light was streaming out of the opening. As they stepped through, they found something that they would remember forever.

They found a city.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Comments and critique?

Comments and critique?

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Wow it's so quiet...*Waits

Wow it's so quiet...*Waits for someone to read*

Thinslayer's picture
Thinslayer
Clean

You have a reader.

Your writing looks very clean and neat, which I appreciate. One problem, though, is that while the main characters are in peril, I don't know them well enough to care. It makes for a smashing opening scene, though, and it's hard to balance those two.

So, good work!

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Oh, and note that I'll be

Oh, and note that I'll be continuing all chapters from this post.

Aekuryi's picture
Aekuryi
Don't worry.

People are reading this, they just don't respond sometimes ^^
I like it so far, I don't see any glaring issues, and I don't feel the need to nitpick.
Keep it up!

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
@Thinslayer

Thanks for the critique (And the reading of this)!

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
You too Aekuryi, thanks.

You too Aekuryi, thanks.

Lonely-Tear's picture
Lonely-Tear
hello felow storyteller

sup dude. i reed your story, its good i gues but you should do some caracter development in future. give them personalitys.

also im working on a story of my own. its called The Tale of The Tear. fell free to chek it out, post a comment and tell me what you think ^^ im posting new chapter everyday.
goodluck

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
<<[The World of Praetorius: Chapter 2: Grief of Past]>>

Master Sergeant Anton Arcwell and his team were summoned by Lieutenant Feron to Spiral HQ. Arcwell and his team of knights were known as the Beta Team, Feron's special ops team. They're the knights that were the second most skilled in the land. The first...they disappeared into the Clockworks long ago, on an expedition to the Core.

"Sergeant Arcwell, is all of your team currently present?" Feron asked. His tone was hushed and secretive.

"Yes sir." He replied. Feron put a file folder on the table. It was labeled "[TOP-SECRET: KETORUS TEAM]". Anton picked it up. "What's this?" Feron just gestured to read it. Anton flipped through the folder. It contained data on a team of thirty knights, tasked to charting the entirety of the Clockworks.

"Doctor Ketorus and his team disappeared two days ago." Stated Feron. "He always sends at least one data transmission every day. When he did't send any data to the data banks for two days, I knew he had gone missing. That's why I have you here." Anton took this all in. He had done many big top operations and raids, but now knights of his own caliber have gone missing in some of the most dangerous places in Cradle.

"We'll find them sir. Be sure of that." Anton saluted to his superior.

"Good. And make sure you keep this secure and discreet. As of now, you, me, and your team are the only people who know of this, and keep it that way. This is a black-box operation." Said Feron.

Anton still had some questions swimming in his ocean of a mind.

"Where was the last place Dr. Ketorus and his team sent data from?" Feron took the folder and checked it's contents.

"Deconstruction Zone, depth 27. That leaves in a hour. Go get your team prepared." As Anton was leaving, Feron stopped him.

"Anton. Avalyn was a brave and valiant knight. Don't let anyone share her fate."

Anton went back to his home in Haven. He could always hear an assortment of noises and a variety of smells from his balcony overlooking the Bazaar. Once more he gazed at the glass case that contained a special suit of armor. It was special, no other knight on Cradle had it. Feron had it designed exclusively for Anton himself. His fingers slid across the glass, and he remembers so many adventures, so much battle...to many friends lost...he jerked his hand back.

"No...I never wanted to go back...not after she..." Anton sat down. He was still bitter after Avalyn Soran died. When she had been inducted into Beta Team, she showed skill and selflessness, the very traits all knights wished they possessed. Anton saw potential and...something else. He felt something he thought he would never feel towards someone: He loved Avalyn Soran. They became close, and Anton enjoyed his time with her. Then, on that fateful day fighting The Legion of Almire, Avalyn became surrounded. Anton himself was drowning under the weight of the bodies of former Almirian Crusaders. Then he heard the sound of a sword hitting armor cease.

He finally vanquished his last foe, and was horrified to see what happened to Avalyn. She had a sword impaled through her stomach, pinned to the wall.

"Avalyn, no..." He stammered on his words. "It's...going to be fine..." He choked. "Just...hang on for a bit more...please..." Anton lowered her from the wall. Avalyn reached up and put her hand on Anton's cheek.

"I know we...had plans for the future..." Avalyn coughed up blood. "But...It's all become unravelled, hasn't it?" She laughed, and her breathing became labored.

Anton took out an Ultra Health Capsule. "It's going to be ok, just take this." She pushed it away, and spoke her last.

"Anton, move on. I'm...done. Just do what we came here to do. I'm sorry I couldn't stay...with you..." Shaking, she sat up, and gave Anton a kiss. Then her hand fell. Anton cried, he wept, he took every tear he would ever shed, and used it all. After that, he slew Lord Vanaduke with his bare hands. He burns and stabs were nothing compared to the pain in his heart, or what was left.

Something changed in Anton Arcwell. He became cold, ruthless. And he sword never to wear that suit of armor again. It was what he wore when Avalyn died. And now, he had to descend back into hell. Then he stood, a cold, violent rage grew in him. He would make every single monster feel pain.

Anton opened up the glass case.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Chapter 2 Comments and Critique: Opinions and Ideas?

Comments, critique, and ideas for the fan-fic! Feel free to share your opinions and ideas.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
*Waits some more...*

*Waits some more...*

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
*Waits some more...*

*Waits some more...*

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
WHat happened...

What happened....

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Oh wait, I double posted

Oh wait, I double posted "Waits some more..."

Aekuryi's picture
Aekuryi
Gggrh

It's a good chapter, I like how there's an emotional struggle with one of the main characters.
But since I'm in a pomegranatey mood, I have something else to say:
Please. Be patient. Just because nobody replies means everyone is ignoring you.
Have patience.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
I'm Sorry!

I'm sorry, I'm impatient by nature! I'll try to listen to that advice. Thanks.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
<<[The World of Praetorius: Chapter 3: The Classic Commander]>>

Anton Arcwell donned the Legionnaire Set. He swore never to use it again, but now he was forced to. Once again he would be heading into the fray of battle. Anton touched his cheek. There was still a stain left from Avalyn's bloodied hand. He wrenched his Combuster and his Blitz Needle from their stands, and strode, feeling mighty once more.

Knights and Strangers alike stared with awe as they saw Anton Arcwell walk out into the open wear his old armor again. He was proud and menacing to his enemies, inspiring and valiant to his fellow knights. He knew where he had to go, The Arcade. When he got there, he found his team waiting for him.

"Ryus, Quest, and-" Anton stopped when he remembered there were only three people on The Beta Team now. Quest put his hand onto Anton shoulder.

"It's alright lad. Let's just get a move on, shall we?" Anton shook the hand off.

"I don't need your pity, old man. Now lets go." Anton huffed away, but Quest stopped him.

"Is this what has become of the great Master Sergeant Anton Arcwell? The Hero of the Crimson Hammer?" Anton froze. "It saddens me to see you like this Anton, please, can't you let go?" Anton snapped.

"AVALYN IS DEAD! FOR ONCE, IN MY LIFE, SOMEONE MATTERED TO ME MORE THAN I VALUED MY OWN LIFE! I WILL NOT GET OVER THAT EASILY, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!"

Doctor Quest LeWitt shook his head sadly and walked to the gate. Ryus, the heavy, looked at Anton with eyes full of pity. Then he walked over to LeWitt. Anton was the last to get on. They descended.

When they finally reached the Deconstruction Zone, they found a large hole ripped into the metal flooring.

"Strange...the gremlins in this area should have repaired this by now..." Said Ryus. He hefted his Sudaruska as he spoke. Anton inspected the rest of the area. A few thin, silver blades were stuck in the ground around the hole. LeWitt picked one up.

"Something has been keeping them away..." Said Doctor LeWitt. He stuffed the blade into his pocket. Anton walked back to the hole and looked at it.

"How deep is that?" Said Anton. Ryus pulled his gun out.

"Allow me sir." Ryus charged up a shot and fired down the hole. They didn't see it stop until fifteen seconds later.

"Uhhh...that's really deep." Then a shot came back up. A thin, silver blade shot out of hole. The air was filled with screeching.

Anton brandished his Combuster, Ryus readied his Sudaruska, and LeWitt loaded his Biohazard.

"What the heck was that?!" Exclaimed Ryus. A shape flew out of the hole, it was so fast, it was only a blur to the Beta Team's eyes. It landed on the ground across the hole with a loud THOOM, and dust covered the whole area. As the dust cleared, they saw something that looked like a knight, but wasn't. It wore a Fallen Set blacker than a void, and it had dark steel wings on it's back. It's eyes were a luminous blood red, staring intently. In it's hand was a Acheron, only more advanced and ancient-looking. LeWitt aimed his gun at it.

The creature opened it's mouth and let out another unearthly screech. Then it flew across the hole and charged straight at Anton.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Comments/Critique?

Comments and critique for chapter 3?

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Aekuryi, I'm still following

Aekuryi, I'm still following your advice but it's not working...still waiting for a reader of chappie 3...

Aekuryi's picture
Aekuryi
2496 kb/s

A monster? I thought the silver blades came from some kind of defense system, not a monster.
Great chapter as usual!

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Thanks!

Thanks Aekuryi, I'll probably make another tomorrow. I'll try following that advice again.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Just In Case...

Just in case nobody sees the note on the bios at the top for my story: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/78149
ALWAYS CHECK THE TOP FOR IMPORTANT ANYTHNGS. YOU NEVER KNOW.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
<<[The World of Praetorius: Chapter 4: A Praetorian

The monster raked it's sword across Anton's shield and kicked him in the head. Ryus swung his Sudaruska at it, but it swiftly swerved to the side and struck him in the shoulder. Ryus was hardly affected, and swung once more, but to no avail. LeWitt fired at it, and managed to graze it on it's left wing. It landed on the ground, unable to fly. But that didn't stop it.

The creature slammed it's sword into the ground, making spikes come out of the ground around it. Ryus snapped the spiked around him with a spin, but Anton weren't as resilient. One spike caught Anton in the arm, and he felt something seem to slide in under the wound. He fell to the ground, his arm burning. LeWitt fortunately didn't get hit, but he could see Anton was not doing well.

"Ryus! Cover me!" Ordered LeWitt. Ryus charged his sword for a devastating attack, the creature was airborne again. Doctor pulled out an Ultra Health Capsule, he could tell right away that this was no normal wound. Anton puked up blood. "Stay still lad, I'm trying help you." Anton grabbed the capsule and used it.

"Thanks Doc, I feel much better." Anton grinned. The doctor scratched his head modestly.

"Well, it was nothing re-" Anton leaped into the air incredibly high, grabbed the creature by it's neck as it soared towards him, and brought his sword down on it. They both smashed to the ground, Anton standing on top of the creature. Ryus and LeWitt looked at each other.

"Doc, what the heck did you give him?!" Whispered Ryus. "I haven't seen him fight like that since Operation Crimson Hammer!" The doctor just shrugged. Anton inspected the body of the creature. It disturbed him that it looked so much like him, like an Isoran...

"Come on, we need to find out what happened to Ketorus and his team." As he started to walk down to the hole, LeWitt stopped him.

"Wait...your arm..." LeWitt looked at it. The area around Anton's wound was blackened and dark. Not like a burn, but as if something had corrupted it. "I need to look at that Anton."

"What are you talking about?" Questioned Anton. "I'm fine. Now lets go." LeWitt, put his hand on his chin. Something is happening to him, he thought. I need to watch over him...

LeWitt looked down the hole. "We're going to have to jump and heal our wounds at the bottom, alright?" Said the doctor. The others nodded. As Anton was about to jump, he saw something that looked like a knight far away. It looked familiar to him somehow...Anton shook his head, and it was gone.

Into the darkness, they plunged.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Bump!

Bump!

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Wow It's slow today...

Wow It's slow today...

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
@Aekuryi

If you're on, I'd like you to read this chapter! It's the battle with a Praetorian!

Aekuryi's picture
Aekuryi
I reeaaaadddd it

And now I respond :3
They seem to be a different kind of creature, with their own weapons and culture. I'm interested in seeing how you create this new race.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Ok, Thanks!

Thanks for the feedback, always willing to write!

Hexlash's picture
Hexlash
Impressive!

Wow! That there is a really dramatic story, it's so suspenseful and tragic! Your writing style is really intense, but you have a few grammatical errors... for example: "but Anton weren't as resilient" should be "but Anton wasn't as resilient" :D

I cannot wait to find out what happens next! But I agree with the others, you should try and give us a bit more of a look at the characters, I know you have the bio, but in context, like "the spike pierced his (insert armor name here)" Then we have an idea of what they look like as well, and maybe do a little character building, like have them talk to each other and get a bit of background with them :D

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Oops!

Sorry, I had to change from "Anton and LeWitt weren't as resilient", and forgot to change the "weren't".

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
IMPORTANT IMPORTANT

BIOS FOR THE BETA TEAM CAN BE FOUND HERE: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/78149

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Arcsolus
bump!

Bump!

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
<<[The World of Praetorius: Chapter 5: The Scientist's Fate]>>

BIOS OF BETA TEAM: http://forums.spiralknights.com/en/node/78149

Anton and his team made their way into the hole. Anton read his minimap.

"I'm getting a knight signal, faint but it's there. C'mon, east." LeWitt tuned up a light on his helmet, and they dashed through the shadows. As they went by, they saw dry red paste on the floor. LeWitt gagged.

"Scrap...someone, probably that thing, was killing these knights." Ryus looked about warily. "We gotta move and find Dr. Ketorus." They continued on, slower and more cautious. Anton kept his shield up. Then he saw a light.

"What is that?" The team saw a gate, deeper into the Clockworks. Ryus picked up a knight broadcaster nearby the gate.

"The Doctor must've gone down here, but dropped his broadcaster." Anton nodded in agreement.

"I'm sure something was chasing him." Anton peered into the distance. Once again he saw the dark figure. It looked so familiar, but he could put his finger on who it could be. The sides of his vision blurred red as he continued staring. He started to walk towards the figure. LeWitt looked at him.

"Uh, Anton? Where are you going?" He said. "Anton!" Shouted the doctor. Anton shook out of his daze. The figure was gone and his vision cleared. LeWitt put his hand on Anton shoulder.

"You alright lad?" Anton nodded. He walked to the gate and gestured for them to come. The gate lowered. As they reached the bottom, they found a discarded sword by the elevator. Ryus gazed at it, thinking of the owner and if he or she was still alive. Death was sad.

Anton saw a huge light in the distance. It was a huge gate, like the ones you found in castles.

"Guys...there's a city there." LeWitt zoomed in with his binocular display, and saw that Anton was right. "Come on, the Dr. Ketorus is probably over there." They headed towards the gate, which was already open. Inside, they found a city of which they would never saw again.

Tall marble buildings sprung to the artificial sky, stormy and full of moody clouds. Vines wrapped themselves around the pillars and swum through the streets. The building that had once been noble and proud were sullied and in ruin. LeWitt took a look at the ruins.

"By the Core, these are incredible ruins, but they're also older than any Gremlin structure in the databases...do you know what this means Anton?" Jittered LeWitt, obviously excited. In the distance, more structure and towers stood. "Interesting...these ruins share designs and some techniques with the architecture of old Isorans, Valkyries, Owlites and Almirians..." LeWitt took samples and scanned diagnostics as Anton sifted through the city with his indigo eyes. Then, a shape burst from the foliage.

"Yaaaargh!" The shape screamed towards Anton. Anton blocked it and rolled to the right to pin his opponent to the ground. The figure squirmed under his grip.

"Wait! That's Ketorus!" Ryus took Anton's arm off the knight's back. Ketorus stood, his armor and helm filled and coated in dirt and stray leaves. He was twitching, and was obviously not in good condition. Ketorus grabbed onto Anton.

"We have to g-get out of this...this...cursed place!" Ketorus raved. "The angels of death will take me, they're after me!" Anton shook the man's hands off.

"Calm down doctor. We'll take you to safety and-" Anton was interrupted when Ketorus slapped him.

"You fool! Do have any idea what we have disturbed here?! The Gremlins put them to sleep, but now they're awake!" LeWitt pushed a sedative into the man's neck, and the Doctor drifted off to sleep.

Ryus was on his guard. "The Doc looked pretty serious, I don't think we should be here..."

A large figure burst from the road, clad in black armor. It spread it's dark steel wings and raised it's Acheron. The sword gave off a beating, pulsing sound. Soon more of the winged creatures came to the scene. Ryus raised his shield.

The winged creatures took to the sky and brought down their wrath.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Bump!

Bump!

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Bump...

Bump!

Xenonguard's picture
Xenonguard
Uhh

Why don't you just subtly edit one of the bump posts. Edits on a comment still count as a bump and will return the page to the front page.

Arcsolus's picture
Arcsolus
Important Note!

The World of Praetorius will be postponed for a bit, due to lack of time I'm having from tests. Next chapter will be released around next week. Thanks guys!