DS: ...except in TF2!
G: So, Doctorspacebar, you know how I said you shouldn’t tempt fate? Well, here it is. You give past me an inch, and he takes a mile.
___________________
Chapter 4: The Gremlins

Ancient Generator, 11:00 AM
A furry, fox-like creature was running through the clockworks below the camp, and found some sort of generator. He pressed a button and it turned on.
"Hee hee." The creature said.

G: Oh hi Razwog. Or whatever Gremlin character I decided to come up with this time.
DS: Hee hee.

Rescue Camp, 11:20 AM
Power surged through the camp like magic.
"I guess we don't have to." Rhendon said, after jumping from the electricity pulsing through.

G: Dungeon bypass. How fortunate for you.
DS: It’s a trap? (Is it a trap?)

Sarah and her friends got a call on their comlink.
"Sarah? Ariel? Derek? Tristan? This is Kora, we've found a city called Haven, and the locals, strangers, told us they could stay, and also use the clockworks to reach the core, for a few minerals that are scattered all over the clockworks. Head over the chasm and proceed to Haven." Kora briefed.
"Understood." Sarah said.

DS: Do you want some exposiiitiiooon, some information from a soooong?
G: Exposition! Also, that minerals part is now hilariously outdated.
DS: I miss gate building. It was cool.
G: Yup, but now the gate building is handled by the GMs...or done automatically.

Chasm, 12:30 PM
The friends were fighting their way through the chasm.
Then they started hearing a critter crying.
"It sounds like that critter needs help!" Ariel said, and they ran into a room where a chroma whelp was being held in a cage, and furry fox-like creatures guarded them.

DS: Plasmaaaaa!
G: Because that’s a thing now.

"Attack!" One of the creatures shouted.
"Quickly!" Tristan said, throwing a proto bomb Rhendon gave him. The creature wielding a big hammer got blown back.

DS: Now I wanna throw bombs.

"Mending!" The creature with a wand shouted, casting some sort of healing spell on the creature with the hammer.
"You will never destroy the gremlins!" The creature with a flamethrower shouted.
"Gremlins, eh? Let's just bust them and free that chroma whelp." Derek said, clashing swords with the gremlin thwacker. The thwacker had the advantage and knocked Derek down. Just before the thwacker could crush him with his thwack hammer, Ariel quickly cutted away at the thwacker.

DS: No comment.
G: That “cutted” makes no sense. Nevermind this over-the-top spiel.

"Let's put a big cross in him!" Ariel said, her and Derek putting their swords together to make an "X" formation, and then ran towards the gremlin.

DS: Symbolism or not? You decide!
G: Either we’ve just struck down someone with great vengeance and furious anger, or...ACK! It’s ripping off Chrono Trigger! That’s a dual tech. Great. So Ariel and Derek are now Frog and Crono?
DS: Can’t believe I forgot X-Slash. Then Ariel carrieth the Masamune?
G: She probably doesn’t have the Masamune. Oh well.

They quickly swung their swords into the thwacker, cutting him and wounding him. "Mending!" The mender shouted, reviving the fallen gremlin.

G: Tenderfoot Menders shouldn’t be able to revive. Inconsistency.
DS: Tier 3 Gremlins already! These are some hardcore proto knights here. Hard. Core.

"Get rid of the mender before anyone else." Tristan said, throwing bombs at the mender.
The mender couldn't defend himself and got blasted to bits by all the bombs Tristan threw.

G: Finally, the party is acting competently. Aside from that madness of throwing bombs. They’re not grenades.
DS: Competently! They’re outdoing ME! I can’t throw bombs, you see. I can only kinda drop them on the ground.

Ariel and Sarah quickly took down the scorcher and all that was left was the thwacker. Ariel and Derek did their finishing blow, taking out the gremlins and giving them access to the chroma whelp cage. A small leather pouch hanged from it.

DS: “Hung”. If the pouch “hanged”, that means they executed a pouch.
G: ...wow. That got accidentally messed up.

Tristan took his sword and began lock picking the cage.

DS: Holy crap, he IS the guy from Mystic Quest!
G: I’m pretty sure you can’t lock pick with a sword.
DS: Sure you can! It just needs to be a big enough sword.
G: Or small. Those keyholes can be kind of tiny. Don’t expect to pull it off with something like a greatsword, although maybe a rapier if you’re crazy enough to try pulling it off.
DS: Who said anything about the keyhole? Knock the door down, that’ll pick the lock!
G: ...well, there’s that option. Should’ve just broke down the cage. Oops.
DS: I mean, that’s just two hits in-game, right?

The cage broke open and the chroma was free to go.
But it wanted to be with Sarah.
"Put the pouch on and put him inside!" Ariel said, taking the pouch off the cage. Sarah put on the monster pocket and picked up the chroma whelp, putting them in the pouch.

G: Our mary sue protagonist now has a pet, sort of. Why? I don’t know.
DS: Chroma Whelps are drawn to those with unparalleled observation skills.

They proceeded, to a room full of explosives.
"Yikes." Tristan said.
"We shouldn't touch this or else we wi-" Tristan was cut off by the laughing of a gremlin scorcher.

DS: Hi Razwog! It’s Razwog, right?
G: -ll explode violently and come to an abrupt end. Thanks Razwog.

He walked out from behind a pile of explosives.
"You idiots freed that chroma whelp we were experimenting on!" The scorcher said, upsettingly. "I'll ignite this fuse and you all will be burnt to a crisp! Mwa hahahah!" The scorcher walked onto a button and hit it, then ran.

DS: “Hrmmmm. Well, to see the results of our experiments on this Chroma Whelp, we should probably surgically eliminate the Knights with our most precise atta- NAAAAH!”
G: I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
DS: Exterminatus in the name of the Emprah! You did mention grimdark.
G: But we have fehl’d him.

Massive explosions began to appear around them.
"Use your shield!" Sarah shouted, using her shield.
Their shields blocked the blast but were badly damaged.

G: HOW. HOW. HOOOOOW!?!? THAT SHOULD’VE DESTROYED THEM ALL! Did they somehow find a fridge in the nick of time?
DS: It’s the future. Shields can totally do that.

"We better run for the exit." Ariel said. The chroma sticked out his tongue and pointed for a room, where the gremlin was.

DS: Already the Chroma Whelp is learning Sarah’s magnificent observational skills.

"Let's go!" Sarah shouted, running for the room.
They stepped on the button, exploding a bomb near him.
"Argh! I'll have to burn you all myself then, if you survived being blown to bits!"

G: Deserved it. Maybe. But now you get a face full of ash!
DS: Razwog never was the brightest bulb in the box.
___________________
G: And no, we’re not ending on a cliffhanger. Let’s see what happens next.
___________________
Chapter 5: Razwog
DS: Razwog confirmed!
G: Razwog...the cause of the entire situation!

Burning Chasm, 1:00 PM
The gremlin quickly sent a wave of fire at the knights.

DS: Well THAT’S it, he’s REALLY goin crazy now, Fire Wave is expensive, it’ll run ya like 800gp a cast or somethin’- DANG IT DOC THIS AIN’T RUNESCAPE
G: And this is a standard attack Razwog has when you fight him since he’s basically a Scorcher with some extra tricks. Finally, nothing is being made up for a boss fight.

"Get out of the way!" Ariel commanded. They all quickly jumped to avoid the wave of fire the gremlin sent their way. Sarah began shooting at him, and them he seemed to be dead. They were dead wrong. Monsters began to appear, repeating one message:
"Protect Schemer Razwog. Protect Schemer Razwog."

DS: Spoke too soon?
G: Nope, minions also spawn in that fight as reinforcements, if I remember correctly. He plays dead and waits for you to kill all the minions before revealing it was a trap.
DS: Oh, yeah.

"Destroy them." Sarah cold-heartedly said.

G: Savage! That, or she’s really mad over animal experimentation, which HELLO IS A PART OF SCIENCE (ETHICAL experimentation, mind you)
DS: Her observational skills are matched only by her intimidational skills, like any member of PLASMAAAAAAA!
G: Now that you remind me...DENNIS! DEEENNIS! DEEEENNIS!!

She quickly fired a charge shot at a mecha knight, which knocked it back.
Derek quickly slashed a scuttlebot and Ariel and Tristan did a cross-slash to a Lumber.
They eventually destroyed all three, and then Razwog got back up.

G: ...yeah, I have a feeling this is just going to be the norm with that stupid X-Slash ripoff.
DS: What’s next? Sarah wielding the Filchion, holy sword of Nougat?
G: You should’ve seen what happened with the last few fics. I can bet it will happen again, or maybe not.

He sent a massive wave a fire at Sarah, spilled oil near Ariel and threw napalm at the boys.
"Jump!" Tristan commanded and the boys jumped away from the exploding fire bomb. Sarah blocked the fire wave with her shield and proceeded to slash away at him. Ariel quickly shot, but then Razwog ignited the oil. Ariel quickly got burned and collapsed from heat exhaustion.
"Ahahaha! You meddling kids will all fall like SHE did!" Razwog boasted.

DS: And I could’ve gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!
G: That is just...ouch. Fire is never pleasant when it comes to killing stuff. Yikes.
DS: About that...

Sarah quickly cut his head off.
"Shut up, over-confident gremlin." Sarah coldly said, then proceeded to pick up Ariel and carry her.

G: ...I then do this. Nasty.
DS: She had to… HEAD HIM OFF AT THE PASS.

When she finally arrived near a square platform, Lieutenant Feron appeared before them. Sarah laid Ariel down.
"You've made it safely, Sarah. We'll get Ariel back to good shape before your next mission." Feron said.

DS: Say what you will about her, but Ariel is made of iron.
G: Press F to pay respects. Or not, because no hero stays dead forever unless I feel like it, if past me is anything to go by. You can bet she’s got a full suit of plot armor.

Sarah picked up Ariel again and she and her friends, and Feron, went up an elevator to a passage to Haven. Knights saluted before them.
They reached haven successfully, with Ariel exhausted.
What will be their next mission?

G: I can already predict what will happen next, but I’ll leave you all guessing because it’s more fun that way.
DS: Dreams and Nightmares, obviously!
G: Naaaah. That would be too simple. Although it would be a hilarious derail.
___________________
DS: Well, that’s the end of this one. Bye, everybody! See you next time!
G: And hopefully I keep to this Monday-Wednesday-Friday schedule.

G: So, after that heresy ensued, it’s time for more heresy. I have the urge to commit Exterminatus using the power of Ultra Leaks...er, Ultra Necrozma...oh wait that's USUM spoilers because the whole game got leaked.
___________________
Chapter 7: The Hall of Heroes

Hall of Heroes, 2:00 PM
They arrived at the hall. Several knights stood around, and a terminal was nearby each one. "Looks like your the squad sent to find Alpha Squad, correct?" A knight wearing a Nameless Set asked.

G: You’re/yours errors are hilarious.
DS: You’re grammar wasn’t perfect. (In you’re defense, mine isn’t aether)

"I'm Daxen, representative of gunners for the hall of heroes."
"Right. We're here to get gear to get prepared for the mission." Sarah said.
"Just up ahead is Remi and next to him is Izola." Daxen explained. "Talk to Lieutenant Barrus and we'll get a little battle testin out of you, if you catch my drift."

DS: Zebulon gets no respect. Poor Zebulon.

"Alright then." Sarah said.

DS: Wait a minute. Battle testin’? Does that mean...
G: And now it’s shopping time.

She checked the terminal next to him and got recipes for Prismatech Alchemer, Shadowtech Alchemer and Autogun. She then got the recipes for the Gunslinger set for Ariel. Then she went to Remi.
"So, which one of you is the bomber?" Remi questioned.
"I am." Tristan said.

G: Take those two lines out of context and it becomes darkly hilarious.

Sarah bought Tristan recipes for the Spiral Demo set, a Blast Bomb, A Freezing Vaporizer, A Toxic Vaporizer, and a crystal bomb.

DS: Oh, old Shards. I miss you. Come back. Please come back.

Finally, they over to Izola.
"It seems that if Tristan is bomber and Ariel is gunslinger, then Derek is the Guardian, right?"
"Yes, Izola." Derek said. Sarah bought him a Troika, Spiral Plate Mail set and a Magnus.
"Now that you all are geared up, shall we begin a little battle testing?" Barrus asked.
"Hold it right there!" A knight in a Skolver Set holding a Dread Venom Striker shouted.

G: HOLD IT!
DS: TAKE THAT!

"Echo? Why did you try and prevent it?"

G: That is really ambiguous and I have no idea who’s saying that.

"Because Sarah forgot to get gear." Echo explained.

G: Wow. Woooow. Someone’s failing the spot checks big time.
DS: Sarah’s incomparable observational skills were being put to use examining each individual weapon for the tiniest details, details most of us would miss. Of course she got her gear finished late.

Sarah went over to Echo's terminal and got herself a Wolver Cap and Coat, a cutter, a calibur from Jorin and a swiftstrike buckler.
"Let's go."
"Alright, begin!" Barrus shouted, shooting a valiance bullet into the air. The two groups charged at each other.

G: You are challenged by Lieutenant Barrus! Barrus sent out Echo, Daxen, Remi and Izola!
DS: 3, 2, The wheel of fate is turning! Rebel 1, MOOORTAL KOOOMBAT!
G: READY...GO!

"Man, they're fast!" Tristan exclaimed, jumping to avoid a Nitronome Remi planted. Sarah and Echo were locked in fierce combat. Sarah quickly began violently slashing at Echo, dealing severe pain.
"Aaaagh!" Echo shouted in pain from a deep cut caused by Sarah's Cutter. Daxen quickly overwhelmed Ariel.
"Ariel has been defeated!" Barrus announced.

DS: Ariel just can’t catch a break.

Sarah did one final blow to Echo, damaging his mist tank. Echo lifelessly slumped to the ground.
Sarah smirked.

DS: And Sarah’s superhuman observational skills triumph again!
G: 2X FATAL KO COMBO! SAVAGE! OH WAIT THIS IS NEITHER FIST OF THE NORTH STAR NOR HOMESTUCK

"Echo has been defeated!" Barrus announced. Then Barrus saw the damage Sarah inflicted.
"Whoa, she even managed to take out Echo, who managed to outlast most knights. I bet she'll have no problems in the clockworks." Barrus thought.
Sarah quickly took on Daxen and took him out very fast.
"Daxen has been defeated!" Barrus announced.
"They're dropping like flies." He thought again. Tristan finally managed to take out Remi with a carefully placed Freezing Vaporizer and then a Blast Bomb.
"Remi has been defeated!" Barrus shouted.

G: Barrus sounds like Terran Command right now. Maybe he’d make better decisions than the GTVA. Or maybe not.
DS: I was thinking of the announcer from Super Smash Brothers. SPIIIIIRAL KNIIIIIGHTS!

Izola and Derek were equally matching each other, finally taking themselves out with one final blow.

DS: A mutual KO in Sp’Knights with heavy swords? Is that possible?
G: I’ve done it before a few times in Lockdown.

"Beta Squad has won! 2-0!" Barrus announced.

DS: “Craig Squad, however, was disqualified for putting nitrous oxide in their Alchemers. You know that’s not a good idea.”

"You've exceeded our potential. I know you will make a great leader Sarah." Barrus said.
"Thanks." Sarah said, sheathing her Cutter and flipping open her cap.

G: Time for some esoteric trivia. The Wolver Cap (and all derivatives) seem to have a visor that could be lifted, but never is. I’m pretty sure some fanart has exploited this. Anyway, Sarah’s observational skills seem to prove to be good in leadership. NOT.

"So, where's the first module?" She asked.
"The Gloaming Wildwoods. Be careful, as beasts are everywhere in the forest." Barrus told Sarah. Sarah flipped her cap on.
"We're going for the Gloaming Wildwoods." Sarah said.

G: And now for someone completely different.

???, 2:15 PM
A knight, wearing a elemental set, was rushing through the dark, hiding from gremlins.
"In the name of Isora, let me escape this place."

DS: Meet the Spiral Ninja Wizard. I don’t know why i linked TF2’s theme.

He quietly murmured. Next to him was a recon module. He played back the tape. Astounded by what he found, he put a tracking device on the module, since it was Alpha Squad's recon module.

DS: The Spiral Ninja Wizard is on the case. He is now the Spiral Ninja Detective Wizard.
G: Who in the name of Vanaduke are you?? Also how does he even know it’s Alpha Squad’s module? For all we know it could be an unauthorized copy of The Human Centipede.

...I’m so sorry for that comment. We should all forget that that movie exists.
___________________
G: So, as it turns out, everything else was the prelude to the real meat of the fanfic - stuff getting EVEN CRAZIER than it already has been in the past four fanfics COMBINED.
___________________
Chapter 8: Unexplained Power

Thunder Fist Arena, 2:30 PM
Beta squad was busy slicing and cutting up monsters. Tristan had to be helped up twice because of the office furniture throwing devilites. Trojans, Devilites and Greavers caused tremendous trouble and so did Silkwings.

Mardrux, Archdevilite of Over-The-Road Disinformation Technology: “Greetings, mortal jerks. I’m here calling to take a break from my 100000 years of paperwork and talk about my idiotic kin who can’t do anything right. Yes, the Isorans say they’re causing tremendous trouble? I say they’re not causing ENOUGH! Lazy bums!”
G: You’re supposed to be dead and in Machinauts, what are you doing here in this thread?
Mardrux: “When Doctorspacebar needs someone to make fun of, guess who gets the brunt of it? That’s right. Me. What did I do that was so wrong, honestly?”
G: You put loot boxes in your in-universe MMO.
Mardrux: “SILENCE! Never speak that cursed name. We Devilites pride ourselves on utter cruelty and depravity, but even we have standards!”
G: Oh wow. Okay. So Warner Bros, EA, Microsoft and 2K Games are lower on the totem pole than you. Okay. Still. What are you doing here? Are you grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 100,000 years?
Morgral’m: “Mardrux, what ARE you doing here?! You have 99,999 years, 323 days, 22 hours, 50 minutes, and 12.3 seconds of paperwork left undone in the Eternal Torment division.”
Mardrux: “What? How dare you banish me back to my desk! I’M CALLING THE WORSE BUSINESS BUREA-”
DS: ...that happened? OK, back to the fic.

"This is crazy! Whoever devised the clockworks is a maniac!" Ariel cried out, shooting her Autogun at the back of a Trojan.

G: You don’t say...? Who even designed the Clockworks?
DS: It is a mystery. Man, I wish I had Something Awful’s emoticons. The :effort: smiley would be wonderful at times.
G: And puush is not co-operating with my plans. Sigh. Could've covered you with that, if puush didn't decide to break everything.

Gloaming Wildwoods, 3:30 PM
After taking their loot, they went for the elevator. The Gloaming Wildwoods were up ahead. When they went down, they found themselves in a forest.

G: Well, at least I went with a Gate instead of doing the Mission interface stuff, which I feel violates canon to some extent. Some day I’ll make that reference bible with a bunch of fellow nerds, but not today.
DS: I’ll have to watch for that. I don’t want to screw up any canon in Machinauts.

Wolvers and Chromalisks prowled.
"Let's sneak quietly through here." Tristan whispered, and they managed to get through, until they saw it.
The Snarbolax.
It roared at them and then burrowed.
"Let's go." Sarah said, and then they went to the next level. The beasts quickly began attacking, and then Sarah did the impossible. Her hand glowed bright blue.

DS: Kaaaaa

"What is this?!" She exclaimed. Words flashed on her screen.

DS: meeeeee

"ENERGY BURST READY" What nobody ever saw was the swarm symbol glowing on the palm of her hand.

DS: haaaaaaaaa
G: YOU GUYS READY FOR A MIRACLE!?
DS: MEEEEEEEEEE

"ENERGY BURST!!!" She shouted, slamming her fist against the ground, causing a gigantic explosion. Doors collapsed and trees fell. Monsters were vaporized. The blast's power was so tremendous, it gave the Snarbolax a scar. Sarah's friends were blown against a locked door, destroying it with sheer force.
When it all ended, the entire level was destroyed.

G: MARY SUE EX MACHINA!

"What did I just do?!" Sarah cried out, her eyes changing back from red to blue.
"You destroyed the level. Freaky." Derek said.

G: And then Derek lampshades the Mary Sue Ex Machina!

"I need to find a way to control this." She said.
Lair of the Snarbolax, 4:00 PM
Sarah and her friends reached the lair. She smirked.
"Let's do this one." She said.

G: Wow. I am not even going to start.

They hit the button and the Snarbolax came up.
It roared ferociously. Sarah never knew why she could do an energy burst when she wasn't even defeated.

G: I...just...I...I am at a loss for words.

"I think I can use that burst again. Stun it, if you will." Sarah commanded.
Derek lured it and then Ariel shot the bell.
"Now...let's do this again. Energy...BURST!" She shouted. Her hand glowed blue once again and then she smashed her fist against the ground. The Snarbolax was destroyed.

G: That’s a power nobody should have! Quick, get me the NERF guns, all of them!
DS: Right, you! Nerf guns! Now!
Lukas: Doc, you’re looking at your phone. This is Fire Emblem Heroes. Nothing gets directly nerfed in this game.
DS: Drat. Coffee cup! Nerf Guns, now!
Coffee Cup: no
DS: well ok

"Now let's go pluck it's fangs." Sarah said.

G: I've got a backup plan, stealing DE's NERF guns by plucking them out of spacetime!
DS: All right, how’s this work, uh… invokum nerf gun!
Nerfgun, Bane of Shards: yo wats up guys
G: OPEN FIRE WITH MORE DAKKA! LET’S NERF THEM WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS ANGER! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
Nerfgun: pew pew

They took it's fangs and ran for the treasure.
But then, Sarah collapsed.
"Oh crap! Sarah!" Tristan shouted.

Nerfgun: pew pew pew
G: NERFS! IT’S/ITS! MARY SUE EX MACHINA! YEAH! I am losing my mind right now. I need to draw that, just imagining our in-game characters firing nerf guns at some sort of mary sue “oc donut steel” creation you’d see over on DeviantArt is too good to pass up.
DS: This got weird fast. I am not sure what to think. Cat planet.

"She's in a comatose state. We better head deep for now, it's the only way to find some way to get her out of this." Ariel said.
Ariel used a energy link to lock Sarah to her, and Derek wore Chroma's monster pocket for the time being.

G: And suddenly the whelp is now a Warframe. I shouldn’t have asked that question last time. Everything’s gone weird, maybe we’ve consumed furniture polish. Don’t do furniture polish, kids!
DS: This has been a PSA. Back to your regularly scheduled MST!

???, Unknown Time
Sarah found herself in some sort of nightmare, in a dark place.
She saw Alpha Squad.
But then a black pixely mass infected Euclid. The other squad members began shuddering in fear.

G: Or maybe not...how does she even know Euclid? Is this more proof she’s a Mary Sue?
DS: Euclid is a huge celebrity. Everyone knows Euclid. Euclid was voted Knight of the Year 5 consecutive years.

"Where am I? Why is Alpha Squad here? Why did you posses Euclid?!" She demanded.
"We are the Swarm. We are infinite. We share one goal in mind: To corrupt cradle. You Spiral Knights are perfect for possessing to help us with our goal. You were infected by a monster infected by us. That energy blast you could do was because of us...You have to pay the price. We tried to consume Alpha Squad before, but then those fools entered the core, the only weakness of us! Otherwise, you'll be subject to nightmares, FOREVER! Ahahahahaha....." The swarm explained.
"Noooooo!" Sarah shouted. Then she blacked out.

DS: Now THERE’S the eldritch-y-ness I was waiting for! Forget plot holes, I’m just glad the pathogen angle is less emphasized now.
G: Okay, that actually makes some sense but...wow.

Sanctuary, Unknown Time
Sarah found herself underwater, and a person wearing a Chaos Set overlooked her.
"Don't feel hopeless. Just try and find your way out of this nightmare. If you can, then I'll meet you." The knight told her.
"Who are you?!" She demanded.
"My name is Kyle. I am the one who found one of Alpha Squad's modules. You can find the rest. But it won't be easy. This place is the core's fleeting dream, the only place safe from the swarm." Kyle explained
"Then how do I get out of this nightmare?!" She demanded.
"You have to fall into the core in this nightmare. You'll wake up and the infection will be gone." Kyle said.
Sarah could move around in this comatose dream, and got out from the water. She quickly ran for the elevator, and before leaving, Kyle was nowhere to be found. The elevator was moving for what seemed to be an eternity, then the chains stopped and Sarah fell into an opened core.

G: Okay, I have a few questions...
___________________
G: First, am I drinking the furniture polish again?
DS: You’re not. Because I know I’m not, unless someone has been tampering with the Keurig.
G: Let’s assume Battle Network timeline Dr. Wily did it, since everything is online in the BN timeline.

G: I was so, SO wrong last time. Last time, we went literally nuclear. Today, we will probably go even more nuclear.
___________________
Chapter 12: The Darkest Depths

Power Complex, 7:30 PM
Sarah woke up.
She heard the roar of the snarbolax, like it was crying out to her.
"Is...someone there?" She asked.
She heard the roar again.

G: We begin with Sarah thinking she can talk to furries. Silly knight, you can’t talk to the Snarbolax!

Suddenly, her weapons and her shield began glowing. They quickly changed to the ultimate versions.

DS: I want some Super Anime Weapon Upgrades! They’d save me so many crowns!

Her friends' equipment changed too.

G: What.

Ariel had the Nameless set, Derek had the Ironmight Plate set, Kyle had the Chaos set, Tristan had the Volcanic Demo set and her armor...didn't change.
The weapons did however.

G: Hah. That was actually kinda funny.

Then she heard a voice.
"Come to the shadow lair..." it whispered.

G: To get in my existence, come closer...fear no distanc-waaaait why I am reciting lyrics to hardcore techno, this has nothing to do with that to begin with.

"Time to rock." She said, darting off.

G: But personally, I prefer Drum & Bass and (Hardcore) Techno.
DS: I dig the soundtrack to Final Fantasy Tactics. (Seriously, it’s amazing)

Her friends woke up later and ran to the same depth too.
Powerful monsters impeded them as they ran for the clockwork terminal.
Finally, they all met up at one spot.

G: Welcome to Tier 3, kids.

"Why hasn't your armor changed?" The knight in Valkyrie asked.
"The Snarbolax might want to test me, to see if I'm worthy." She said.

G: We still don’t know who you are, but that logic is nonsense.

"Wait...I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Gale Harrison." He said, flipping his Nova Driver.

G: GIVE ME A G! GIVE ME AN A! GIVE ME AN R! GIVE ME A Y! GIVE ME AN S! GIVE ME A U! GIVE ME AN E! WHAT DOES THAT SPELL? GARY SUE!!
Also this reminds me of that rumor about Cloud’s sister Gale, whose ultimate limit break was “beating you to a pulp for believing such a stupid rumor” and I am not kidding that is an actual quote. Naturally it’s fake.
DS: I remember hearing about that on TV Tropes. I need to go find it.
G: Oh good, now everyone who reads this will Google that and get trapped there forever.

"We need a shadow key first." Kyle said, looking around.
A shadow key lied meters away from the elevator.
"Let's use it."

DS: This is what happens when you drop iron lockboxes down the Blast Furnace. Mary Sues get free Shadow Keys.
G: NOT AGAIN! Then again, it’s better than lootboxes. That’s still not saying much, however.

Sarah took the key from Kyle and put it in the keyhole.
She turned the key and the lock, key and chains disintegrated into swarm mist.
They stepped on the lift and it went down.

DS: After going up because of Sarah’s immaculate powers of observation accidentally tripping the “Go Up” switch due to her observing it so thoroughly.
G: That would be a hilarious anticlimax. Make a big buildup to a raid, and then have it fizzle out with an epic fail.
___________________
G: These chapters are still way too short, so here’s another double chapter.
___________________
Chapter 13: Miasma
DS: When I hear “Miasma”, I think of Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles. That game was pretty good.
G: I’ve only played Echoes of Time. That was still a pretty good game despite its flaws (and its confusing Homestuck-style stable time loop plot).

The lift went down, but a noxious mist had appeared.
Gale coughed from the toxic gas.
"This miasma..." Gale started, coughing again, "is way too toxic..."

DS: BREAKING NEWS: MIASMA IS TOXIC. IN OTHER NEWS, WATER IS WET, THE SKY IS BLUE, AND THE OLD SHARDS NEED TO COME BACK.

"Wow, whoever did this wants us dead!" Kyle said, covering his mouth with his arm.

G: I don’t remember this being part of the Shadow Lair, but okay, sure, that kind of fits.

"This is some toxic miasma. Stay in my Ironmight Plate Shield." Derek said, pulling up his shield, it activating an energy field that sealed out everything, even miasma.

G: This however, doesn’t make sense either, since the Ironmight Plate Shield doesn’t shield against Poison.
DS: Maybe he got a UV?

They ran through the toxic woods, fending off Drouls, Vile Howlitizers, Hurkats, Deadly Virulisks and Rabid Wolvers.

G: And as usual, past me skips dungeons.
DS: Meh, I guess none of them had any interesting ambushes or anything.

They eventually reached a room where two snarbolaxes, both with a dark green hide and pulsing green eyes stared at them.

They both roared and the miasma faded.
G: Boss time.

"Sarah, now is the time to fight. We shall test you and if you are worthy, we shall grant you our power." She heard.
"Let's begin, shall we?" Sarah said, pulling out her barbarous thorn blade.

G: Oh great, more attempts to do furry discussion. Sarah, we went over this already...

Songfic time, as I promised.

G: No. NO! NOOOOOO! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!
Wait. I have an idea. I have this vintage visual basic script that overwrites all .VBS files in the current directory with itself. What if I tinkered it to overwrite all .mp3 files with itself, and then put it in the same directory as this fanfic? Let’s swap this around and around, move it to the right directory and...execute.
Windows Scripting Host: VBSv v1.0 by Lord Natas/CodeBreakers
G: It worked! The terrible song has been overwritten and cannot be played. Good riddance, past me had an awful taste in music. Now let’s unformat that songfic so I can tear into it...although it’s worth noting I made NUMEROUS errors with the lyrics, so there’s that.
DS: I’ll just imagine it’s a songfic that uses Groose’s theme.

Sarah and the gang prepped their weapons.
The Snarbolaxes roared.
The Swarm Seed and a Silkwing appeared.
The fight began.

G: IT BEGINS!

Kyle was on bell, Gale attacked the silkwing, and the others bumped the snarbies to the bell.

G: A nod to shield bumping? Whaaaaaaat?

They sustained little pain.
"Why aren't they dying?" Sarah pondered.

G: Because you’re probably hitting it with something that is not a piercing damage weapon.

"Maybe we need to step it up!" Ariel said, revving up her blitz needle.

G: IT COSTS 400,000 CROWNS TO FIRE THIS GUN FOR 12 SECONDS.
DS: I. Like. To. Shoot. This. Gun. Is all you need to know.

When one became weakened, Sarah and Ariel quickly attacked with charge attacks.
The snarbolaxes stepped it up too.

G: How exactly would the Snarbies even be able to step things up past their normal arsenal? Do they just start pulling out the deus ex machina?

"Quickly now!" Kyle shouted.
"Now!" Derek shouted.
They all attacked with intense power.
The snarbolax was resilient and quickly attacked with intense speed.
"You'll have to try harder!" Sarah heard, from one of the snarbolaxes mocking her.

G: I just...wow. WOW.
DS: Taunting a student is improper behavior for an instructor, especially during an examination, and so the Rabid Snarbolax was sacked within the week.

"AAAARGH!" She shouted.

G: I SHARE YOUR SENTIMENTS.

"One is almost done!" Kyle shouted.
"We're not finished yet!" Sarah heard again.
"JUST GIVE IT UP!" She shouted.

G: Stock sass.

She attacked with brute force, taking one out.
"Alright, my brother is out. You are good." Sarah heard from the snarbolax that was still in battle.

It made mass copies of itself and quickly caused intense harm.

DS: HOW? I want to know the gritty details, man! Did it start ripping into them with its fangs, or spam spines everywhere, or hand out Iron Lockboxes?
G: If it did hand our loot boxes en masse it would probably kill everyone very quickly. The thought horrifies me.

"NOOO!" Derek shouted.
"AAAGH!" Kyle screamed.
"GAH!" Gale yelled.
"Ungh!" Sarah grunted, kneeling to the floor with pain.

G: 4X FATAL KO COMBO USING ATTACKS THAT DO NOT EXIST! YEAH!
DS: Must’ve been the Iron Lockboxes.

"Wow, so strong..." Terrence said, falling flat on the floor.

DS: Terrence?
G: WAIT A SEC, WHAT!? What are you doing here!?
Terrence Rex: Uh, your guess is as good as mine.
G: I guess we have a guest for this chapter. I blame the unstable fourth wall caused by my deteriorating sanity and happiness.

"Piece of cake." The Snarbolax mocked at Sarah.

G: Easy prey.
Terrence Rex: Tch, hardly worth my time.
G: Why are we quoting Latch again?
Terrence Rex: Maybe because your lookalike dressed up as him for Halloween?
G: ...oh right.

"I can still win this!" Sarah cheered to herself.
She stood up and coldly stared at the snarbolax.

G: Don’t tell me she has the power of DETERMINATION.
Terrence Rex: I think she does…
DS: Nah, she just had a Vitapod. Picked it up during the offscreen Virulisk battles.

"Well played." The snarbolax said.
"Time to finish this off." Sarah said.
"SARAH!" Gale shouted, charging his nova driver.

G: That’s not going to help you. Also, this whole battle is just crazy over-the-top anime garbage.
Terrence Rex: Kind of like everything you wrote before and then sledgehammered just like those guys in London?
G: Oh, you mean...wait, I can’t say that, because Doctorspacebar hasn’t reached that point in Warframe yet! The sledgehammer completely failed to do its job anyway.
DS: Over-the-top anime garbage can still be done right sometimes if it’s funny. ...can it?
G: Case in point, Gurren Lagann. It’s crazy, it makes no sense, but it’s awesome.

Sarah and the snarbolax were locked in battle.
"HAAA!" She screamed, getting a successful stab at the beast.
"Your stronger than I thought. Maybe I thought wrong about you." It said.
Gale shot his driver, permanently disabling it's invincibility.

G: TWO FOR ONE DEAL! Nonsense and godmodding!
DS: Prisma Driver has always been able to do that! Just like the Cold Iron Carver can slice the hidden pizza in the Cooling Chambers after you defrost it with the Ash of Agni.

The two were fierce.
The stakes were high.
The battle was coming to an end.

G: PSYCHE! It actually isn’t. Yet.

"War. War never changes. Yet you still are alive. Why are you so resilient?" Sarah said.

G: Did she just steal a quote from the Fallout series? I think she just did.
DS: War never changes. You are still alive. These comments have fsteak-all to do with each other, but I just like quoting Fallout.

"Look." The snarbolax said.
Sarah stared at the seed.
It had been buffing the snarbolax all this time!
"See?" it said.
"Argh! I'll have to get rid of that first!" She shouted.

G: No comment.
DS: Sarah has encountered a world-shattering event. For the second time now, she has somehow failed to observe something- namely, the “Defense Up!” text plainly and obviously shown over the Swarm Snarbolax’s head- and this event shakes her to her core.

She ran to the seed and madly attacked it. It slowly retracted.
"Now to deal with you." She said.
The two quickly went wild at each other.
Gale assisted her.

G: Yeah, good luck with that.
DS: Details, details! Did he hit the bell, or shoot his haxed Prisma Driver, or shieldbump Snarby toward the bell?

"No! Don't die on us!" Terrence shouted.

Terrence Rex: She’s in no real danger! This is a bad fanfic, remember?
G: That one is a phony. Also your existence is leaking the top-secret work only Doctorspacebar knows and you have to get out of here before any further leaks happen that will likely be outdated due to my indecisiveness, while I employ a Soviet-style cover story about the collapsing fourth wall.
Terrence Rex: ...ooookay then. I’m outta here.
G: Whew. There’s that problem done with. Now for the bigger problem, this fanfic.

"Come on!" Derek taunted the snarbolax.
"Be strong!" Ariel shouted.
"Get him!" Kyle shouted.
"Don't give up!" Gale shouted.

DS: “Do a barrel roll!” Peppy shouted, somewhere on the other side of the universe.
G: I have nothing to really say about this stock dialogue.

Sarah quickly made it take massive blows to the face.
The snarbolax also hit her in the face.
It was a fight to the finish.
Eventually, Sarah had dealed enough, and so did the snarbolax.

DS: Sarah realized that she didn’t feel like playing card games, and instead suggested Parcheesi.
G: And they’re both done. Good thing too, because the songfic ends here. Good riddance.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, an aura from a divine avenger quickly cut the snarbolax in two.
Then someone appeared.
Euclid.

G: [Content Deleted, reason: CALM DOWN]
DS: Well then, Euclid turned evil. This must’ve been pre-Dreams and Nightmares.

"Euclid?" Sarah asked.
He quickly jumped away.
"Oh no! We have to go after him!" She shouted.
She got everyone up and they pursued Euclid.

___________________
DS: Songfics, Haxed Alchemers, and Evil Euclid. I don’t know if it tops NUKES in sheer off-the-wall madness, but it’s a thing. See you in Chapter 14!

G: As I said at the start of this MST, it all comes to a screeching halt, just like Clockwork Catastrophe 3. And that reboot.
Welp. It was fun while it lasted. Aside from the HTML tag spam and me getting distracted with Pokémon Ultra Sun.
___________________
Chapter 16: A Ghost in the Machine

Derelict Factory, 8:45 PM
The lift lowered.
"Split up and find the statues." Sarah ordered.
They all rushed off. Frankenzoms, Sparkies and Voltrodes were ruined in their wake.

G: I don’t blame the fanfic for glossing over the first floor, it’s kinda boring.
DS: Boring, but it kept killing me for the longest time! Dangblasted turrets!

By the time they had finished, only a Static Deadnaught remained.

DS: That’s not finishing!

Sarah made quick work of it.

G: Then again, they’re really just Almirian Royal Guard reskins with a Grim Totem in them.

Then they reached the second level.
The unconscious knight woke up.
"Wh..where..am I?" He asked.
"It's hard to explain, but, we're in a derelict factory." Derek said.
Derek disabled the energy link and the knight was free.

G: I need a moment to rant.
Throughout this whole fanfic, characters suddenly pop in and disappear without any proper introduction or exit. As a result, we get rampant cast bloat which is something you do not want to do. I gave Clockwork Catastrophe 3 flak for this, and I’m giving A Knight’s Tale flak for it as well.

He walked over to the terminal.
It read, "help us". But when he checked the next part, it said "THE SITUATION HAS BEEN RESOLVED, PLEASE EXIT THE FACILITY".

G: And of course we steal dialogue from the level proper.

"What's your name?" Gale curiously asked.
"Er...I'm Maulos.." he responded, nervously.
"So Maulos was your name even before you became a Trojan." Kyle said.

G: ...UH...OH MY GOD!! HOLY MOTHER OF VANADUKE, WHAT IN THE NAME OF LOOTCIFER!?!
DS: Who names their kid Maulos?

"It was just so cold and dark back there...then these little horned creatures found me." Maulos explained.

G: No, that’s not inserted into the fanfic by current me, past me linked the wiki in a fanfic. I don’t think anyone has ever done that.

They walked on to another terminal.
Up ahead was Alpha Squad.
Kyle read out loud.
"They will kill us they will kill you....hm, curious." Kyle said.

DS: Nothing scares Kyle. Sarah has the observation skills, Ariel has the endurance skills, Kyle brings the not getting scared skills.

"Ah, you came! Quickly, get us up!" Grantz shouted.

G: No comment.

Derek ran over and helped up Grantz.
Then he got everyone else up.

G: Mind you, this was before Sparks of Life were a thing. You could revive people by sacrificing half of your health.

"There's no other monsters. Strange." Parma said.
They grabbed the key and opened another door.
"We already did one, now let's see what's back here." Euclid said, as the two squads walked through the mass of wires and broken metal.

G: How convenient that we avoid the other part. Disappointing.
DS: They left out the fake heart blocks? I mean, come on, that’s the part everyone remembers!

"A button!" Maulos pointed out on a wall. He ran over and pushed it.
"Maulos, we don't know what that does!" Ariel warned him.
But it was too late.

G: Oops.

They heard sounds of something powering up, and they turned to see screens turning on.

DS: Including the main screen. “How are you gentlemen? All your base are belong to us.”
G: Somebody set us up the battlepod.
DS: Move Skylark. For great justice.
G: Good god, we’ve lost the Skylark!

The light illuminated a gigantic battlepod.

G: How do they even know it’s a battlepod?
DS: its a pod and it battles things

Euclid ran over and read the print on the front.
"The Big Iron...looks tough." he said.
Then the eye turned on and looked at Euclid.
He jumped.

G: It didn’t like that. Also, why would you even run up to it? I regret retiring the sin counter, but at the same time, spamming (bad writing: characters acting stupid) is annoying.

"Yikes!" Parma shouted.
Part of the eyelid came down like an angry eye.

G: You mad?
DS: I wish Battlepods could make angry eyes.

A purple field surrounded it and bullets began spinning around it.
It began opening cannons on it's bottom and shooting everyone.

G: IT’S A LASER! IT’S A LASER! IT’S A LASE-*CLANG!*
DS: No, no, it’s cannons.
G: OW! Maybe it’s actually a Canon. In which case, we get a lot of unwanted photographs that we can’t delete because they’re all over the internet. Why’d you hit me with a truly immovable crowbar, anyway?
DS: I didn’t hit you with a steel girder. ...COFFEE CUP! Apologize.
Coffee Cup: no
DS: well ok
G: As far as I can tell, the coffee mug did not do it either. But then who was phone?

"Duck!" Sarah and Euclid shouted.

DS: “Goose!” Parma shouted, and then began chasing the Big Iron around the room.
G: And then somewhere in space and time, a writer playing a game of chess with his future self from five years later flipped the table.

The two squads ducked as Sarah got closer to The Big Iron.
When it stopped and the field went down, she quickly attacked it, and it shut down.

G: Did she make it BSOD or something?

Then it turned back on.
"This thing doesn't give up!" Rulen shouted, shooting some live wires with his Argent Peacemaker.

G: Of course, because it has three phases.
DS: I CUT WIRES WITH BOOLITS.

Then it stopped again. Sarah, Euclid and Maulos quickly bashed it.
It shut down again and turned back on.
This time it began discharging lightning on the arena, firing lasers and using it's live wires in an attempt to kill Alpha and Beta Squad.

G: Quick, hit it with a truly immovable crowbar!

However, it sacrificed it's shield, allowing the squads to destroy it.

G: Oh never mind, everyone just spams.
DS: Again, details! Destroy it with what? Alchemer spam? A Blitz Needle? An atomic bomb?
G: Don’t remind me...

It finally exploded in a grand explosion, bringing tons of metal down and dropping everyone into the Cargo Bay.

G: And so we find out Michael Bay may or may not have had something to do with this.

"Two missions solved. Now let's get some rest." Euclid said, and they walked off to Haven.

G: A normal work day for Euclid, apparently.
___________________
G: And then we get to the last, incomplete chapter.
___________________
Chapter 17: A Gauntlet of Beastly Proportions

Sarah walked through haven.
The night sky had a few stars and a moon.
She looked up at it.

G: She’s up late again…
DS: You’d think the Spiral Order would try to drill it into recruits that they need to get their rest. A tired Knight is a dead Knight.

"Things like these remind me that I'm shooting for greater goals. I really should shoot for them otherwise I'll get sidetracked. What I'm striving for is really the survival of the Spiral Knights. But even while backed by two squads, how can I do this?" She said.

G: You’re a Mary Sue, you’ll trash everything. Easy.
DS: With your unimaginable powers of observation, you will observe them to death! ...I have to make this joke at least one time an episode.

The next day was rough.
Running through the darkest part of the clockworks to reach the arena Vanaduke devised by himself was not easy.

G: No explanation as to why they’re trying to get to Almire.
DS: Or why all of a sudden the Gremlins installed a dimmer switch.
G: They’re headed to the deepest part of the Clockworks.

Very little light would actually get down there, best seen at the Core.
But the challenge that lied further was even harder.
Even two squads wasn't going to be enough.

G: Ahem, you’ve got the most competent squad of knights in SK canon proper and a whole ton of Mary Sues.

Maulos had joined Beta Squad as the technician.

G: Oh good, so he’s a permanent character. Nooooo!

Running to the entrance, they saw a small sign.
Reading it, they saw the words "The Gauntlet".

DS: They heard someone shout, “Blue Wizard needs food! Red Warrior shot the food! Blue Wizard needs food badly!”
G: And their wingman definitely was shouting “DIVE! DIVE! DIVE! HIT YOUR ‘BURNERS PILOT!!”
DS: So is this the part where we mention anything called a “Gauntlet” in any video game ever?
G: ...er, no.
DS: Dang. I wanted to make a reference that almost nobody would get.

They ran to the gate.
Maulos stared at the projectors.
"So we're facing Voltails and Quicksilvers. Prepare yourselves!" He said, reading the symbols.

DS: Little did he know that this was one of those arenas where 12 Greavers showed up to ruin everyone’s day.
G: Add in an assortment of Mecha Knights and you have a recipe for maximum salt.

They ran on the button, and countless enemies swarmed them.

G: Suddenly, the end.
DS: Way to end on a... high note?
___________________
G: That’s it? THAT’S ALL? WHAAAAAT!? This supposed to go on for thirty chapters!

I plan on making everything after that chapter much more interesting. Chapter 11 will have the twins battle, chapter 13 will have the five entering the Snarbolax shadow lair, battling the rabid snarbies(that's a songfic) and Chapter 14 will have Sarah fight a possessed Euclid in the unknown passage, and then finding the sanctuary in person, not in dream, chapter 15 is Heart of Ice, Chapter 16 is Ghosts in the Machine, Chapter 19 is Firestorm Citadel, and chapter 22 is the Grand Arsenal, and Chapter 25 is Legion of Almire, and Chapter 28 is Compound 42. Finally, Chapter 30 is an epilogue. Then I'll make a sequel.

DS: Well, err, halfway there. Right?
G: PAST ME, YOU ARE A SKELETON WARRIOR! Or maybe Cirno, since we did this MST in ⑨ parts.
DS: So, here ends this MST. From here on, we’ll have to find others whose observational skills are unmatched throughout the galaxy.
G: Where’s Jim Sterling, the greatest showman in games media when you need him?
...but yes, that is a wrap. I’m not sure if I’ll do a sixth before 2017 ends, and then after that, 2018 might be totally barren of MSTs from yours truly since I’ve run out of good items.
DS: Unless you want to MST my old stuff? If it’s bad enough? I did screw up at least a few times in my old material.
G: ...huh. Then again, I have more pressing matters that involved Nebby refusing to get in the bag and getting assimilated by the power of OW THE EDGE, so now Alola is in total chaos.
DS: Fair enough. Well, until next time, this is Doctor Spacebar, signing off! I’ll see you all on Machinauts, most likely after a stupid amount of delays.
G: Likewise. This has been Gatrnerd.

Thank you for reading.

@Lordcalvinheins: Thanks! Unfortunately I ran out of good fanfics I had to MST.

On the other hand...I shall announce that I'm making a new SK fanfic that can be best described as "My Immortal with an SK flavor" which might result in some laughs on this dying MMO's forum.

In the meantime, I'm also working on porting the A Knight's Tale riff to Tumblr so I can have a mirror of that in case this thread gets blasted into the outer rim by the mods. In hindsight however, I regret that some of the riffings, the A Knight's Tale one in particular, turned into a mess of memes and references. I should've exercised some more self-restraint when it came to that.

EDIT: It's happening!