101 ways to annoy people, found this funny

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

Interested in: Vog cub coat, Polaris Plz :D (and ill be ur bestie :D)

i just realized 'none of them are unbinded except for [the ones i'm trading]. LAME.

No, I mean myself, for being tricked XD

Stop necroing this thread - there is no free stuff for jokes! Pretty sure this guy was banned!

Jesus... greed blinded by it ignorance... Mods, you need to move this thread to the graveyard please...

ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHJJJJJJHHHHHHHHGRHFJTIJRKSKSJ!!!!!!!!!

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbour’s dog.

The dog has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours. The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, “I’ve had enough of this!”

She goes downstairs. The blonde finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, ‘The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?’

The blonde says, “I’ve put the dog in our backyard, let’s see how they like it.”

Vog cub cap PLZ

Funnies joke ever,and smallest,too.
Hee it is:
.

This is told from a woman's point of view.

I was feeling very religious that day,and when I left church, I bought a bumper sticker that said "Honk for Jesus" and whenI was driving on the street, I did not notice that the light had turned green. So everyone was honking at me. However, I thought they were honking for Jesus, and people were yelling "God Almighty!" and " Hail Mary!". Someone was even putting up the middle finger. I asked my grandson what that meant, ad he said that it was the Hawaii peace sign. This was when I noticed that he light had turned green. So I happily gave them the Hawaiian peace sign and drove off. They could't follow me b/c the light had turned red.

IGN: Aquasword

Can I have he leviathan blade?

Guys! THIS THREAD IS DEAD! THERE IS NO GIVEAWAY! DO NOT NECRO IT!

giving l4d2

I don't really care if this is dead... heh.

There once was a spoiled, perfect little girl who lived in a mansion. Everyday, she woke up in a perfect bed and ate a perfect breakfast, before going to ther perfect school, where she got perfect grades and made friends with other perfect girls. One day, she was doing perfect walk back to school (her perfect limo was broken down after it snapped in half from bringing way to many perfect gifts back from Target for her perfect CHristmas), and saw the most perfect little dog on the other side of the street. She thought, I must have that dog! We can eat the smae perfect breakfast everyday and go to the same perfect school and do perfect stuff together and... etc. After thinking about all that junk, she ran across the road, got hit by her perfect lim (just back from being perfectly fixed by a perfect car mechanic), and died.

What is the morale of this story?

Look both ways before you cross the street.

IGN Lordofnecromancers. I'd like... well, there's to much confuzzle with all the upsurping stuff. I'll update this is I discover I did something worng, but for now, I'd like the DA with CTR med.

You cant say Good Eye Might without sounding Austrailian. And you just tried

Today I'm lazier than the guy who created the flag of Libya

Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter every night

Welcome to our "OOL" Notice there's no "P" in it, please keep it that way.

Try to order at Subway without saying "ummm"

Batman: Okay, I'll listen to your joke.
Joker: Knock, knock...
Batman: Come in.
Joker: -_-

I noticed that all the coins face forward except Lincoln on the penny. I guess once you get shot from behind, you never really get over it...

The awkward moment when you make a racist joke, and someone of that race is RIGHT behind you...

The awkward moment when you and the person next to you both realize what's going to happen next in a movie

Can I have the Levithan CTR:Very High? Hope you enjoy the jokes!