Guess I don't need it. I give more Australium robots to Pi.

This is it. I throw the towel in. I quickly rush to the deli, and grab a BLT. In my attic, I draw a few symbols, chanting:

Have bacon and bread
Come back from the dead
This should restore you
Mr. Luguiru

20 seconds later, I BEGIN TO REGRET DOING THIS HELP ME.

While your swag is systematically destroyed by Luguiru pointing out flaws in it with YouTube videos, I grab the cookie and run into the moonset.

MALK, SEE POST 2899!
So, nothing since post 2903 actually happened. Pi still has the cookie and Australium bots.

/me puts it in a safe with voice command

/me gives more Australium bots to Pi

/me is hoping someone else is coming.

I slice your spine in half with a katana. Then I blow the safe in half, destroying the bots with Scout, Pyro and Soldier helping me out.
I smash all the bots with the holy mackerel!
I gun you all down with a machine gun. I take the cookie from amid the destruction. Haha!

Ummm, oh no NOO. They are coming for me oh dear. I ummmmm teleport to my swaggonite castle with the cookie! Haha!

It cannot be conquered, it isn't in the planes of existence or time. It is only accsessble by the extremely swag.

"There are no fake cookies, cloned cookies or any alterations to the cookie of any kind. There are to be no super-powers. Nukes and super-weapons are not allowed. There are no alternate universes/dimension allowed. Should any arguments of any kind over play ensue the cookie automatically reverts back to me (at my discretion) for normal play to resume."
-Iamnoone

So, nothing since post 2915 happened, and

I send in more bots to kill Malk, since he didn't do anything to escape.
I give more bots to Pi.
I send in Australium bots to kill Scout, Pyro, and Soldier. I send in even more if needed.

I send robots to catch Sandwich. They bring him to me. I say, "Did you say anything about teaming up?"

If yes; you get an army of your own and keep the cookie.

If no; I take the cookie from you and kick you out.

I lay dying... My life slipping away.
I summon one more pulse of swag to revive myself, and retrieve my gun from amid the mess.
"That was a REAL KATANA! DIE"
I pump you full of bullets and your ConfeGun hits the ground. I shoot you in the head, over and over. Then I take the cookie and limp away from that carnage.
@Sandwich-Potatoe

Right before you can do that, I accept the team, and the army of robots shield me.

My ConfeGun has a built in teleporter to never leave my hand ever unless I want it to. It also has a built-in device to resurrect meh with a Spark dispenser. In addition, it shoots boosts all over the place.

I shoot MSI, Defence, and Attack boosts on myself, my army, and Sacred and his army. We do a super awesome speed ambush.

When you try to escape, My super army says no.

I take the cookie and hide it in a potato. I then make the potato super big and hide in it as well.

My army of robots kill Kblooit and give the cookie to Sandwich.

I fly into it in an X-Wing (hell, yeah!) and crash it and land in the mashed potato valley. I track you down to your base. I smash all your bots with The Holy Mackerel. I blow the now unmanned gates off their hinges and find you. I use my swag's confetti neutralize power to temporarily disable the ConfeGun. Then I blow you into a wall and take the cookie, summoning my magic space narhwal tot carry me out. My magic space narhwal rebuilds the earth in seconds, and we land. Btw I wore a space suit.

Hahaha! That was a HOLOGRAM. The narhwal was in on my plan from the beginning. It smashes you so hard you fly into the upper roof of the potato and get stuck. We take the cookie, my space suit is fine and fly back to earth, which the narhwal repaired.

You killed my doppleganger, named Dsbuofoubrsboudfboufdobudfboudcubdbudufbbud.
"Using swag, I telepathically send you a message saying: "Can I join your team?"

Ah, ah ah! That was an outdated Merriam-Webster. In the 2013 edition, it IS recognized. Then I alter the universe to include swag with my remaining swag. Sorry, potato.
You break my nose, but don't pierce my face, poor choice of stabbing weapon.
As you paint the cookie I throw an axe into your head, Sandwich-Potato!
I scan the skies with some Swag-noculars, they detect the cookie. I fire a super long range tractor beam (moving infinitely FSL) and catch the cookie and drag it back. Feeling bad, I save Sandwich-Potato with my healing magic swag.
Team up, Sandwich-Potato?

Jump back in the time machine and go back to current day, same place.
I slam you with swag so hard you fly upward and hit the moon. I take the cookie as it falls. Somehow, it survived reentry.

It's not a super power, it's swag. Completely in a class of its own, you are plastered against the moon, dodo. I take the cookie and hide it in my pants. Ewwww

I'm sorry, but I don't see any 2000-2013123123 (Time Machine exploit) Merriam-Websters, though I do see a mountain of soot and ash. I WONDER WHERE THEY COULD HAVE GONE?

No, I stabbed you in the face with a hammer. See? Here's evidence. But seriously, here it is. Albeit a much shorter version of it, still shorter than a bastard sword (AN ACTUAL WEAPON NOT CURSING SEE?) though longer than a shortsword. About a half-foot longer than a shortsword, with additional Confetti-spikes that increase damage dealt.

Join you? Never! Besides, like I said, swag is not recognized by the most recent version of-

/e snickers.

-Merriam-Websters.

You throw an adz at me? AXEtually, I dodge using my new combat skill. AXE long AXE I can make puns out of whatever is threatening me, I dodge or block it.

I grab the axe and smAXE you a bit with it. But I soon relAXE, having mercy. I'm very nice you know. That's a fAXE.

I chase Pipipipipi down through time and space, cornering him down by merit of my ConfeGun's robot drones, who relayed info on where 5Pi was. I, instead of stabbing him, club him in the face since he attacked Malk, knocking him towards the Andromeda Galaxy in about 22312 years. I grab the cookie, smash through the fourth wall, and randomly teleport into a different continuity. However, I begin to lose my memory and precious ConfeGun and cookie, so I quickly make a paradox clone, which becomes younger and weirder, and the real me barely makes it into this continuity, though with the cookie. I chuck it to Noone, since that alternate me may have violated the alternate dimension rules.

as you chase me through time and space, I tell you that we are on the same team, and stop you from clubbing me

I don't have the cookie though, you chuck nothing to Noone who for some reason already had the cookie

/smashes Iamnoone and takes the cookie

instead of a cookie in your arms, you found a note saying

Lolz, you really think that you can get away from stealing the cookie AND ninja'ing me, well I stole the cookie right out of your arms

I used a striker boost to get away and stole the cookie from you

I send in my pig army to help with Sandwich's army, and wonder where Malk and Sandwich got the armys