I beat the Wolver with my FR then I beat Pipipipipi with my FR then I impale the cookie to it. My FR is bound so it cannot be broken, stolen, or dropped, or vendored.

I run over Pipipipipi over with a forklift, then I move the platform fast enough to launch Pipipipipi to the moon and I grab the cookie from him and drive off in a motorcycle that can't be set on fire or run out of gas or oil.

I send a cloaker (PAYDAY 2) to get the cookie, and I got the cookie from the cloaker after I knock out the cloaker.

(cloakers are like sam fishers)

I send a formal request in triplicate. In three months the paperwork makes its way through the glorious bureaucratic system and the cookie is repossessed by the inexorable powers of bureaucracy from Use and placed firmly in my possession.

I force Sandwich-Potato to overdose on steroids, then I take the cookie from him.

Cookie clicker is a waste of time, so I fuse your phone with the cookie. (Btw I currently have the cookie)

I release lots of water vapor that mixes with the swag, and the cookie now stops floating and then drops in my hand.

I throw a grenade at pipi and then i get the cookie.

At least pipi had a blast with the cookie for a short time.

I skap Pipipipipi with a fish and I take the cookie and run away.

Someone stole my chocolate milk... everyone's gonna get it! I launched my EMP and it explod

I use my WRH to blast myself into the opposite direction so that I can get on his head. I stab Malkalack's eyes out with my Fearless Rigadoon. He furiously tries to eat me because I made him blind, so I send in several Nova charges up his throat, tearing it up so he can't breathe. I chop his feet of with my Acheron and burn his hair with my Combuster. I stuff several DR's up his ears so the deafening sounds deafen him. I then spam Blitz charges at his belly button 'til he pops. I take the cookie from the gooey, bloody mess, and I sprint away, with the cookie in hand.

I make hundreds of duplicate cookies, and scatter them all around ∏∏∏∏∏. I trip him, and he loses the cookie in the mass of duplicates. He stares in shock and horror knowing that he will never find the needle in this haystack. He slowly drives himself mad, and is put away by his softly weeping loved ones, as I withdraw the original cookie that doesn't display the isotopic marker I planted in the duplicates. I slide it into my pocket as I slip behind a stack of shipping containers….

It is NOT the cookie. For Moose has been working for me all along, and now I posses the precious cookie. You have another one with an isotopic marker. Hehehehe. And I am somewhere you'll never find me.

Unfortunately, pipi failed to hear my warning and got shotgunned and downed. However, the cookie was also downed. I was able to defeat the bulldozer and revive the cookie and take it. However, pipi went to custody because I did not have time to revive them both. Don't worry, I made a Cop cuff himself and traded him to free pipi.

I meet ∏∏∏∏∏ in the road, covered in dirt and sickly. ∏ feels for my plight and adopts me on the spot, in a very real and legally binding sense. I quickly endear myself to ∏, soon becoming his favorite child. Time passes, and we grow older, and ∏ begins to grow weak. As his health fails, he is forced to face his mortality and draws up a will. After he passes, the last Will and Testament is read and to no surprise to myself ∏∏∏∏∏ has left to me, his adopted son, the one true cookie. I take the cookie, and in a great show of grief, retreat into the Alaskan wilderness to live out my days--no one but myself knowing that it was I that poisoned dear old ∏.

I come in and take the cookie out of Malkalack's hands, saying thank you as I do. No one shoots me because as I said, the cookie legally belongs to me

Oh, you got the wrong cookie, btw, this is a wardrobe and it leads to Narnia, so if you want to get the right cookie, you will have to find me somewhere in Narnia

Please leave anouther message after the beep

BEEP

I pickpocket Malk of the cookie and shove him in before he cements it, making it so he trapped himself in Narnia