All we want to do is eat your brains.

Just a little reminder. Only common enemies are included in these family rebalances. No mission-specific-enemy-that-only-really-shows-up-in-like-one-to-three-places-and-nowhere-else-ever enemies like Mortafires, Ghostmanes, Deadnaughts, Grimalkins; that makes this family all the more disappointing to rebalance because most members are being discriminated. Racism against the dead. Not all of them, just ones that only live (or die) in very specific areas.

• Howlitzer
  • T2
  • T3
• Kat
  • T2
  • T3
• Zombie
  • T2
  • T3

Howlitzer

Zombie goast turrets. Unlike mechanical turrets, these ones have a very special ability in all tiers: once they die their head flies after you. In T1 the head simply goes forward whichever direction it was defeated. In T2 it tracks a little but has slow turning. In T3 it tracks and turns faster. The head also flies faster in higher tiers. Pretty great stuff. Other than that it acts like the normal turret but as part of the undead family instead of construct.

T2

I got stuck already. Not too surprising for most of you, is this? We gave the robot turrets robotic stuff. What do we give zombie turrets? Zombie stuff? Do they try to bite you at close range? Do they get projectile interference like the robot ones? Tune in next time to find out! No one is going to get that reference.

• the Howlitzer can "eat" projectiles once every ~3 seconds then "spits" the projectile(s) with full control of which direction and when it fires (the regurgitated projectile behaves the same as whatever it ate, such as Pulsar bullets starting small then expanding and exploding; the regurgitated projectile deals 50% of the original damage but in pure shadow regardless of what damage type the original projectile was; the projectile has the same speed, range, area of effect, etc. of the original projectile; only one part of the projectile attack needs to be "eaten" for the Howlitzer to absorb it but each Howlitzer may only store one projectile attack at a time)
• the Howlitzer can "bite" nearby knights (about the same size attack as the first basic swing of a Calibur/Brandish), deals normal-shadow damage; cooldown of 10 seconds between bites
• the Howlitzer has a 20% chance of becoming a totem upon defeat but with only a 2 space radius and will destroy itself 20 seconds after appearing; the totem can be moved as a normal totem but may not be destroyed by any other means

Totems have very unique features. They can resurrect zombies. They can be moved by knights. They block movement like enemies but are invincible to Pulsar spamming. They are invincible to damage. I would count them as part of the family and make a rebalance for them but they are already amazing, just not common enough to be a significant threat. Even if I did make a rebalance for them it would probably just be to have more of them in maps which has nothing to do with giving the totem itself new things to do.

T3

What else can I do here. I already wrote the zombie stuff so most of the fun has already happened.

• the Howlitzer can "eat" projectiles once every ~3 seconds then "spits" the projectile(s) with full control of which direction and when it fires (the regurgitated projectile behaves the same as whatever it ate, such as Pulsar bullets starting small then expanding and exploding; the regurgitated projectile deals 50% of the original damage but in pure shadow regardless of what damage type the original projectile was; the projectile has the same speed, range, area of effect, etc. of the original projectile; only one part of the projectile attack needs to be "eaten" for the Howlitzer to absorb it but each Howlitzer may store up to three projectile attacks at a time and may choose whether to use its normal projectile attack or to spit an absorbed attack and can choose which absorbed attack it wants to spit out)
• the Howlitzer can "bite" nearby knights (about the same size attack as the first basic swing of a Calibur/Brandish), deals normal-shadow damage; cooldown of 5 seconds between bites
• the Howlitzer has a 40% chance of becoming a totem upon defeat but with only a 2 space radius and will destroy itself 30 seconds after appearing; the totem can be moved as a normal totem but may not be destroyed by any other means
• the Howlitzer can howl in a cone area of effect (~2 space range, similar area of effect and duration as zombie breath) which pushes knights within the area of effect 2~3 spaces away from the Howlitzer
• the Howlitzer has a 25% chance upon death to place its skull which can be obtained by zombies which grants them +100%?/+5 bars resistance to the status "opposite" of their theme:
  • if the zombie is fire theme they get freeze resist and vice versa
  • if the zombie is shock theme they get poison resist and vice versa
  • if the zombie is stun theme they will get +20%?/+1 bar resist to fire, shock, freeze, and poison

Only one Howlitzer skull may be worn by a zombie at a time and it counts as one "part" which you will read more about in the zombie stuff which you may have already scrolled down and read about before reading this sentence. Cheater.

Kat

You know how some people like cats and other people like dogs? There are also people who like Kats. One of their parents was a cat person. The other was a necrophiliac.

T2

This might sound weird, or at least weirder than usual, but Kats are pretty good as they are. Not as close to balanced as Menders, but closer than zombies. Until you read about them below. Then wet yourself. Anyway, Kats. When I first saw these things I swore on the god of BLT sandwiches they were white sheets with holes cut in them with a purple balloon underneath. Put the phone down. No need to call the authorities yet.

• if the Kat is next to a knight (<1.5 spaces apart) it can "blanket" the knight; the Kat covers them and slows them to 70% movement speed and unable to perform any actions but become immune to damage (any status which has effects other than damage will still occur); the Kat can be knocked off by other knights with two attacks or will jump off on its own after up to 5 seconds (the Kat may not remain on the knight for more than 5 seconds at a time, 30 second cooldown before the Kat can blanket a knight again)
• the Kat can place a "litterbox" which is a circular area of effect (~2 space radius) which slows knights who try to walk through it by 20%, slows projectiles which enter the area of effect by 20%, sword swings by 20%, and bomb fuses by 20% (if the center is within the area of effect); the area of effect will dissipate once the Kat is killed, only one litterbox may be placed by each Kat and litterboxes may not be within 5 spaces of each other

Yes, I know a litterbox is not supposed to be circular. I also know not to headbutt people until they become pudding. Yet I do it anyway.

• the Kat can "lick itself clean" to cure all statuses on itself or another Kat within ~2 spaces, cooldown of 20 seconds

T3

You know how I told you not to call the cops earlier? Well, funny story about that; I may have accidentally eaten them all. The cops. It was accidental, I assure you, but they looked so delicious covered in sprinkles and colorful frosting in circular sha- never mind, those were just donuts. You already called them? Liquids.

• if the Kat is next to a knight (<1.5 spaces apart) it can "blanket" the knight; the Kat covers them and slows them to 50% movement speed and unable to perform any actions but become immune to damage (any status which has effects other than damage will still occur); the Kat can be knocked off by other knights with two attacks or will jump off on its own after up to 8 seconds (the Kat may not remain on the knight for more than 8 seconds at a time, 20 second cooldown before the Kat can blanket a knight again)
• the Kat can place a "litterbox" which is a circular area of effect (~3 space radius) which slows knights who try to walk through it by 40%, slows projectiles which enter the area of effect by 40%, sword swings by 40%, and bomb fuses by 40% (if the center is within the area of effect); the area of effect will dissipate once the Kat is killed, only one litterbox may be placed by each Kat and litterboxes may not be within 5 spaces of each other
• the Kat can "lick itself clean" to cure all statuses on itself or another Kat within ~2 spaces, cooldown of 15 seconds, no cooldown when used on itself

Zombie

I had so many stol- I mean, inspired ideas from a skeleton-esque enemy in Wakfu for our zombies that I am typing this first but it comes last alphabetically so it looks like this one was done last. Shows how well I can control myself.

T2

Zombies are one of those enemies who gains no new abilities by tier, but gets the generic resistances to knockback and interruption. Like everything else gets. Even when those other things also got new abilities. Sounds like someone got ripped off.

• if the zombie is killed by sword (whether it was by charge or basic attacks) it will randomly drop an arm, leg, or rib (33% chance for each, only one will drop per defeated zombie) which grants bonuses to any zombie who walks over and consumes/activates it for the rest of their life:
  • leg gives +15% movement speed (up to +45% movement speed per zombie at a time)
  • arm gives +7% attack speed and damage (up to +42% attack speed and damage per zombie at a time)
  • rib gives +15% interruption and knockback resistance (up to +45% interruption and knockback resistance)
• if the zombie is killed by gun it will randomly drop a skull, pelvis, or hand which grants bonuses to any zombie who walks over and consumes/activates it for the rest of their life:
  • skull gives +15%/+1.5 bars pierce defense (up to +60%/+6 bars pierce defense per zombie at a time)
  • pelvis gives +10%/+1 bar element defense (up to +30%/+3 bars element defense per zombie at a time)
  • hand gives +10%?/+1 bars resistance to fire, shock, freeze, and poison (up to +40%?/+4 bars resistance to fire, shock, freeze, and poison per zombie at a time)

These upgrade-item-body-part-things seem pretty overpowered in old Firestorm Citadel, right? Good. I should stop talking here and say they can wear an infinite amount of body parts for crazy high bonuses but that would be too evil, so instead each zombie can only wear up to four body parts but has no means to exchange or remove them unless they die. But being dead means being dead. If a zombie has body part upgrades, dies, but is revived again by a totem, it will not keep its body parts. Each zombie will only drop one body part ever and will not drop more if revived by a totem. When the zombie dies all equipped body parts will be destroyed and will not be returned for other zombies to pick up. No matter how hilarious that would be. Zombies trying to steal body parts from each other.

• if the zombie is killed by bomb they have a 20% chance of resurrecting the upper body, 20% chance of resurrecting the lower body, or 60% chance of nothing happening (only once per zombie per life; if either the upper or lower body resurrects and gets killed within range of a totem they will not revive again, but if the zombie does not revive its upper or lower body and dies normally near a totem it will revive normally):
  • if the upper body survives it creates a "Crawler" (no legs, crawls on its stomach; looks like a zombie without legs) which has 50% base movement speed (may be improved by obtaining legs from zombies killed by swords), 60% damage and attack speed (may be improved by obtaining arms from zombies killed by swords), 50% health of its previous form, but 50% more resistance to knockback and interruption of its previous form (may be improved by obtaining ribs from zombies killed by swords)
  • if the lower body survives it creates "Crazy Legs"/"Just For Kicks" (no upper body, walks on its legs; looks like a normal zombie from the waist down) which has 125% movement speed (which can also be improved by legs), attacks only using the normal zombie swiping attack (but instead of swiping with its arm it tries to kick you, can be improved with arms for more attack speed and damage), 50% health of its previous form, but is 30% more vulnerable to knockback and interruption of its previous form (may be compensated with ribs)

Not-so-funny note, only the part where the zombie can revive as its lower body was taken from Wakfu. Chafers, a skeletal enemy, have several turns after their defeat before they are removed from the battle during which their corpse/a pile of bones, clothes, and their skull take up one space; this pile has a countdown which decreases one every turn and one every time the pile is attacked, meaning you can use rapid attacks on it to remove it from battle sooner. Every turn the pile has a chance of resurrecting as the lower body of the Chafer which will run after you and kick you. It looks hilarious.

T3

I think I may be having too much fun playing with dead bodies here. I even set up a little tea party and put them all in dresses and have been making voices for them for the past few minutes. Oh look, the guy with the happy needle is coming.

• if the zombie is killed by sword it will randomly drop an arm, leg, or rib (33% chance for each, only one will drop per defeated zombie) which grants bonuses to any zombie who walks over and consumes/activates it for the rest of their life:
  • leg gives +20% movement speed (up to +60% movement speed per zombie at a time)
  • arm gives +10% attack speed and damage (up to +50% attack speed and damage per zombie at a time)
  • rib gives +20% interruption and knockback resistance (up to +60% interruption and knockback resistance)
• if the zombie is killed by gun it will randomly drop a skull, pelvis, or hand which grants bonuses to any zombie who walks over and consumes/activates it for the rest of their life:
  • skull gives +25%/+2.5 bars pierce defense (up to +75%/+7.5 bars pierce defense per zombie at a time)
  • pelvis gives +15%/+1.5 bar element defense (up to +45%/+4.5 bars element defense per zombie at a time)
  • hand gives +15%?/+1.5 bars resistance to fire, shock, freeze, and poison (up to +45%?/+4.5 bars resistance to fire, shock, freeze, and poison per zombie at a time)

Unlike T2 zombies who can only wear four body parts at a time, T3 ones can wear up to six. If T1 were involved with any of this they could only wear two at a time. Patterns.

• if the zombie is killed by bomb they have a 40% chance of resurrecting the upper body, 40% chance of resurrecting the lower body, or 20% chance of nothing happening :
  • if the upper body survives it creates a "Crawler" which has 70% base movement speed, 70% damage and attack speed, 75% health of its previous form, but 65% more resistance to knockback and interruption of its previous form
  • if the lower body survives it creates "Crazy Legs"/"Just For Kicks" which has 150% movement speed, attacks only using the normal zombie swiping attack, 75% health of its previous form, but is 45% more vulnerable to knockback and interruption of its previous form

Howlitzer heads equipped by zombies already give a pretty big bonus. The idea is the head has lost the "spirit" which would make the head fly and explode on knights and is merely a skull with enough magical-death-magic to make it give some resistance to its new wearer. Like Cubone. I miss when Pokemon was more mature. Gengar.

I could have given zombies some new abilities like almost everyone is getting but that would mean intelligence. Zombies are zombies. They ooze around. Not like jellies, which have some kind of brain-core-squishy-thing somewhere. What are zombies good at? Death. How easily do we kill them, even without Brandish/Sealed/Pulsar spam? Very. So what would make them more difficult? Making their constant death an advantage. Totems already do resurrection well so giving them other stuff to do when they die even without totems makes their demise more interesting.

Do you think there should be a cooldown on the knight preventing them from being blanketed multiple times in a row? The knight is invincible while covered and you can still control movement, but you move slower and are unable to attack, shield, or use vials. Invincibility is a pretty good advantage. Maybe if Kats were smarter about getting close to knights this ability would be a huge threat but most of the time they just stand in place staring at you and every once in a while they fly past you.

-ver and o.. Why was I repeating that?

Anyway, I know about the other ones, but it still boils down to asking for beta enemies to be brought back. Nick already said some of them will come back "later" which probably means in a year or two, or some time in the next couple weeks just to spite me. I (and the few people who care about a 'danger' area being 'dangerous' in a legitimately challenging way) want to see something that says 'hey, have some challenging combat without any cheap insta-attack or guaranteed tracking as the only difficult part and everything else is so easy you can fight with your toenails and win'. Like the spin attack T3 Thwackers use. Surprise spinny hammer shenanigans out of nowhere with no warning other than you were too close so derp. Is the moral of that attack to not attack in close range? So swords without projectiles and bombs are at a disadvantage because Nick hates them? I could vomit all over an empty bucket then wear that bucket as a hat while my own vomit drips down my face that disgusts me so much.

If/When you do more stuff, I hope it comes out good. I want all threads to be good. The problem is when someone decides thinking is bad but giving up and throwing their filled diapers around is a great idea. I should start coming up with cleaner metaphors. Not cleaner as in not inappropriate, as if what I use now is offensive. I probably offend people who are into these sort of things. But they offend everyone else so it kind of balances itself out. Why am I talking about this?

So.

Spiralmon.

I mean Battle Sprites. My time to talk about them has come.

What about the pets and family rebalancing stuff you said you were going to upda-

We can always do that whenever. Today we have something recently announced. Looks like Nick and friends have been paying attention to us in this land of sausage tins and decided to indulge us a little. This whole post is just going to be me spewing words out of my nostrils on what I think about the whole Spiralmon thing they plan to make, but first we need sources on all the Spiralmon information available to us at the moment. Even though everything Nick said is subject to change and could be completely wrong in a few months, days, or even tomorrow it beats having nothing:

• Announcement
• Discussion
• Cleanup (stuff I might miss)

Last warning, this post is just going to be me talking about the three links and what I think of it all. If you are not interesting stop reading and occupy your eyeballs elsewhere. If you get however many paragraphs in and you suddenly realize you would rather be elsewhere you can only blame yourself. And the voices in your head that told you to continue anyway.

The first and best place to start would be with the official announcement.

"Our recent projects, including Guild Halls, were selected based in part on feedback from players, both in the forums and from some of the surveying we do from time to time. The requests are, of course, many and varied; however, one of the frequently requested features for the game has been pets."

What, no mention of Severage? Alright. Whatever.

Nick knows the majority is not always right, right? Not right as in the opposite of left, I mean correct. If this game was run by democracy majority vote wins but in a pure democracy for this game where the majority are childish idiots who think this game only exists to entertain them and if it ever so much as thinks of not doing so means it should be completely destroyed so no one else can enjoy it and the minority supports the game there would be a problem. I can understand if he said there were good ideas on pets, but when he says just because the majority are screaming then they should be rewarded then all the 12- kiddies are going to get all the free CE forever and anyone who disagrees with them gets permanently banned and Spiral Knights becomes Tantrum Brats.

"E-Class Battle sprites were originally small, mechanical, AI-driven field companions that aided the Spiral Knights in planetary reconnaissance. That was before the crash landing on Cradle. Sprites collected from the crash within the Clockworks appear to be reacting to the Core's energy signal, changing dramatically based on their environment, improving their capabilities even as they remain loyal to their primary directive to support Knights in exploration and discovery."

Were they outside Skylark floating around in space so we can look at planets while derping around in space for whatever reason? Derping is always a good time, but the goal here is to make up a reason for them to exist so anything can fly. We may as well have pooped them out. People would believe that.

"Battle Sprites are new combat companions that all Spiral Knights can acquire. Each Battle Sprite has a selection of skills that can be used by the player when the Sprite is equipped. Skills range from direct attacks to party buffs and monster debuffs."

Skills? Variety of abilities? I get the sinking feeling some of my armor rebalances are going to show up as these 'skills' and the originally intended items are still going to be horribly underpowered still. What happened to equipment granting the wearer different benefits in a party? Too difficult? It would make equipment variety too viable and clones would be less favorable? I thought the point of equipment like Plate lines was to be a wall of metal bricks in defense and be able to defend allies behind it, or things with family bonuses dealing more damage to that single specific family than a generic weapon bonus when both bonuses have the same amount (+6 {weapon} damage < +6 {family} damage, when used against {family}) so a specialist is what the name implies.

All this talk about skills makes me want to talk about the old Mabinogi skill system from when I started (G1) to around when I abandoned ship (~G15?) because it got so ridiculous. When the game was new it had a smaller variety of skills which each had unique effects. For example:

• Smash, deals heavy damage to a single target and knocks the target(s) down and a short distance away; once it reaches a certain rank it has a small area of effect but deals reduced damage to non-targets
• Defend, forces the user to move slower but reduces damage taken by attacks, substantially increased effects if the user is equipped with a shield; is ignored by Smash
• Counterattack, counters a direct melee attack like basic attacks and Smash; does not affect direct attacks like Windmill, projectiles (if Counterattack successfully reverses an attack the damage is based on a proportion of the damage the enemy would have dealt which increases with rank)
• Windmill, attacks in a wide area of effect at the cost of 10% max health; can be defended against by Defend, ignores Counterattack, must be manually triggered and does not have a visible area of effect (but you can use your mouse which shows you how far away the attack can hit but other players can only guess how close they can get before you spin on them; the higher the rank the wider the area of effect, but the -10% health per use is constant for all ranks); does not visibly flash white but the sound of loading a skill occurs)

These are just the staple melee attacks. Seems pretty solid, right? You got a couple defenses, a couple offenses, and you can use it in a wide variety of scenarios. Imagine going up against two enemies standing really close together. You pull up a Smash and have a high enough rank to hit them both, right? So you load up Smash. You see both enemies flash white which shows everyone they used a skill, but you have no idea who loaded what. Neither of them are running at you so you think it involves Counterattack and/or Defense, right? Walk up to them, sneakily load Windmill; they can hear the skill load but no visible skill activation occurs because Windmill is a dastardly skill. Spin for a couple seconds, during which you are invincible but completely immobile (you also lost 10% of your max health for using Windmill here). One of the enemies gets knocked down, but the other put their arms/weapon/shield up because they used Defense. A lot of things could come from this simple four skill system. Now, try to compare that to what we have:

• Basic (attacks), uses a basic attack: slashes for swords in a combo, fires boolits until the clip ends for guns, no basic attack for bombs
• Charge (attacks), uses a charge attack: attacks with a secondary (usually higher damage outputting) ability, prepares a bomb which may be placed by release
• Shielding, grants the user invincibility so long as the shield is active; which active the shield takes damage and may be broken but will automatically regenerate over time

First problem when comparing the two combat systems: in Mabinogi enemies have the same skills players do, though not necessarily all of them. For example, low leveled foxes can only use Defense but wolves can use Defense, Counterattack, and Smash. Low leveled spiders can only use Defense, but high leveled spiders can use Defense and Windmill. Enemies have the same abilities players do. Does that happen in Spiral Knights? Well, almost everything has basic attacks. Some enemies have some kind of charge attack, like Scorchers firing bullets or fire. But do they compare to our abilities? Not even close. We deal significantly more damage in offensive abilities. Well that sounds fine and dandy, of course players should deal more damage than common enemies. What fun would dying all the time be? Compare our defensive abilities. We have one. It gives us invincibility. What do enemies have? Menders can become invincible for a little while. Mechas shield when projectiles are fired but their backs are still exposed. I know talking about Mabinogi so kindly will make people think I recommend it so here is a quick disclaimer: Mabinogi is run by NexonNA which has horrible customer service, unending greed, and cares about getting your money before even looking at problems with the game. If you compare Three Rings to NexonNA you would be worshiping Nick and build a church for him. I could be distracted by what I hate in Mabinogi but the last time I played it was years ago and it probably festered to become significantly worse than when I was last there. If I could change anything about that game I would go back to "G9" and stop there. Why am I so off topic right now?

Anyway, combat systems. Knights are too powerful and enemies are too horribly weak and stupid. I know combat is supposed to have a sort of retro-arcade-only-two-buttons-and-a-joystick kind of controls, which so far has been sailing great, but when you start bringing in more advantages for the already crazily overpowered players that let them be even more overpowered we have more than one problem. Am I asking for Lumbers to have our shields and be invincible at will? No, but give enemies something to get in our way better than herp derp fifty Lumbers up your nose at once because why not. We know you can do better than this.

"Battle Sprites will continue to level up as you use them. As a sprite levels up they evolve, become more powerful, and develop new skills. Players can feed materials to the Sprites for faster leveling and control the abilities they develop."

You mean with heat? Like our equipment does? Speaking of equipment, the majority of armors are still underpowered and/or significantly outclassed. Thought you should be reminded. Again. In the same post.

Finally, a material sink. I could brag about how I thought of it first but that would be stupid and no one cares. The point is someone finally listened. Thumbs up.

"We hope that Sprites will be fun, providing a new experience in the game. They are also intended to provide players with the ability to specialize their role in a party."

You know what else would be a new experience in the game? Armor that gives new kinds of bonuses. You know, maybe something like this but for the armor intended instead of a pet that people with clone setups can take advantage of. Equipment versatility is still supposed to be important, right? People using Plate are supposed to be good at defending themselves and their allies?

"The choices you make for your Sprite will act like a class for your Knight, augmenting your choice of weapons and armor. For example, you may choose a Sprite that deals direct damage with attack enhancements or instead choose a Sprite that bolsters your parties defenses."

That explains why Mew "defends allies" instead of Plate armors doing anything like that. Or the specialized sets like Magic, Skelly, and Jelly doing anything party friendly related. Who needs armor with unique and attractive effects when everyone can just roll solo and do better than a party? Who needs teamwork or comradery when everyone can just isolate themselves? Why am I asking so many sarcastic questions?

"Once the Battle Sprites are available, a new series of rank missions will be added for players as soon as they reach Haven. These missions will teach players about Battle Sprites and allow them to try out each of the three starter sprites before ultimately choosing one to keep."

More missions is good. I would have asked for more Arcade content, but since the majority are the only people who matter apparently then whatever. Only money and free stuff matters. No one wants to enjoy the gameplay aspect of a game, that would be stupid. Only profit matters. Only you, some person among hundreds of thousands, matter. Anyway, starters and Spiralmon and copyright. All good fun.

"Of course, these new rank missions will be playable by any player who has already surpassed those early ranks, rewarding you with a Sprite to keep just like new players."

You almost had us going there, as if you would make new content exclusively for new players which would make at least half the high ranked players completely abandon the game and almost all profit would be gone and the game would stop being funded. You pulled my leg there, buddy boy. Pulled it right off and bleeding all over the carpet.

"Sprites will be a significant part of the Haven Garrison's Laboratory."

Well gosh golly gee, hot dog, gee willikers and all those other weird phrases that always sounded silly.

"The first three Battle Sprites represent three different play-styles. While each has at least one skill that serves as direct damage, they each offer different play-style options:"

You can say it. Sword, gun, bomb. Let me guess. The bomb one is intentionally bad and the sword one has the most offensive use.

"The smoldering Drakon resembles a dragon and delivers powerful, fiery blasts to your foes. It's ideal for anyone who favors head-on combat."

I almost thought the sword one would be a Wolver. If that happened I would have probably gone on a psychotic rampage and started eating people. Again.

"The divine Seraphynx resembles an angelic cat-like creature and uses its luminous powers to defend the party from attacks. It's a fine choice for knights who wish to aid their fellow party members."

Oh good, the party defensive bonuses I wanted on armors intended for defense are instead given to Mew. What a great use of what could have become more crafted equipment from people burning CE to get the fancy party defense effects but is instead going into pets. That sound is my eye twitching uncontrollably to the point of popping out of my head and strangling inside-out kittens.

"The shadowy Maskeraith resembles a masked phantom and uses its toxic powers to debilitate enemies. This devious sprite is a perfect choice for those that like to hide in the shadows or cripple their foes before delivering the final blow."

Hold your liquids. This thing is a ghost. That we had with us the whole time. And it 'assassinates' enemies. Everyone still remember Cutters? Dread Venom? Well, this must be a great idea right here.

"Battle sprites are still in development with a planned release date in the first half of the year. Keep an eye on these forums for more info!"

I sincerely hope in these several months everything above becomes a cruel joke. When these pets get released and all the sheep swarm to the dragon it turns out these things are actually balanced in use even if they sound awful on paper. Please. Spare my therapist the suffering. I can only try to bite his limbs off so many times before I get electrocuted again.

Going into that, just the announcement page, I thought I would feel frustrated at the end. Unfortunately I was right. We should move on before I start chewing on the cushioned walls in my room again.

"Answers to a few questions:
- You will ultimately be able to own and raise more than one sprite, though your first selection is an important one.
- You can name your sprite and customize certain aspects of its appearance. The promotional images are just one example of the final form of the three sprites.
- The use of sprites in the Coliseum is still up for debate, though we're only going to include them where it makes sense (not Blast Network).
- The Lab is not solely dedicated to battle sprites."

Okay, so having the benefit of choice is going to be there. Does that mean we can get all three starters? Also, are they tradable or do they bind to the user like equipment? How do we get them? I should put these questions in the discussion thread though someone probably already asked all of them.

Everyone who gets a dragon is going to make it red. Or orange. Some kind of warm color. At least this means if I get the little ghost I can make him red. What? I like red.

How about balancing Lockdown as it currently is before trying to add something that will obviously give people advantages? Is that too much to ask for?

Can we make our own Retrodes in there? Use the mutilated corpses of unwi- I mean, already deceased knights, to build our own frea- I mean, completely legal machines? Like a robot butler for guild halls? That could be fun. People would make them say inappropriate things, but it could still be fun.

"Icegill - Sprites use their skills when you want them to, via a key press."

Just like Mabinogi combat where you map active abilities (there are passive abilities in Mabinogi which benefit the player without having to be activated) to the F# keys. You can even use a secondary list of hotkeys which can be switched to from the primary list so you can have even more skills on hotkeys. Skills everywhere. Because combat is based on using skills most of the time. Theirs, not ours. I can understand a couple more buttons being used for pet abilities, but if you try to pull more than three abilities at once per pet things are going to get hot. Because people are going to respond with fire that makes hell feel like ice cream in a freezer. Tastes better if you take it outside.

"Sprites will be equipped similarly to how other equip-able items are implemented. Once you complete the rank missions dedicated to introducing them, you will be able to equip one."

A new equipment slot. Alright. Nothing wrong there. New kind of equippable thing, gets its own slot.

"Doctahwahwee - No, everyone can name their sprite Sephiroth."

The context is whether naming your pet has the same exclusivity as naming knights, so if I want to name my pet Stinky and someone has that as their knight name if it would conflict. Having it not conflict is a smart move. If pet names can be seen by other players like knight names then people are going to make spam names to make everyone lag, but otherwise this is good.

"Doctorspacebar - Can't say at this time but you'll know more when we do our individual spotlights on each sprite some time in the future."

The good doctor asked when these pets can be expected on the test server. Not much for me to say here since I refuse to pay to be a tester. Money grabbing and all that.

"Regarding equipping sprites with items, I can confirm at least one item that we're developing that all sprites can equip: harnesses. A sprite's harness is that metal component you see wrapped around all sprites. A harness determines the damage type output for the sprite's attacks. The default harness always does normal damage, but other harnesses can be acquired to change the attacks to other damage types.

However, not all sprites are capable of all damage types. For example, the Drakon does not have access to a piercing damage harness.

Also, keep in mind with all of this info that this feature is still very much in development and subject to change."

Oh good, more reason to not use normal weapons. Only have two weapon slots? Not a problem, just set your pet to the missing damage type and you can do what normal weapons used to be best at without caring. You know what I would have done here, not that anyone is reading anymore because they probably gave up from all the negativity? Each pet can only deal one damage type. As you level it up you can give it a little normal damage, but it always only has one type. With defenses it can have up to two types but you can get more normal than specialized types. Also, as the pet levels up, you manually choose where its improved stats go: some pierce defense, a bunch of normal, a little normal and shadow, or whatever. Same idea for attack but you can only have one specialized and/or pure normal.

"Sprites will not die. No need to worry that your new, loving dragon buddy will leave your side unless you want him to do so."

How about a cooldown period if it "dies" in combat before it can be used again? No? Yes? Underwear? That last one was a weird question. Of course Nick wears underwear. Why are we even talking about this?

"All sprites are designed for combat, all have at least one direct damage skill. But of the three starters, the drakon has the most direct damage skills. This is not to say that it's skills ultimately result in the most damage, they are simply the most direct."

Direct meaning works like a sword, and not direct meaning like bombs which are supposedly balanced. You know how in Pokemon everything gets some attacks that are supposed to be buffs/debuffs? Yeah. I can see where this is headed.

"- Each sprite has a total of three skills they will ultimately know if they reach max level. However, by max level these skills will function differently between players who own the same sprite, creating some nice variety.

- As a sprite levels it will evolve and change its appearance. As mentioned before, what you see in the preview pics are examples of max level sprites. But there are many possible combinations of appearances that a single sprite can achieve. Just like skills, this creates variety as well.

- By 'starter sprites' I mean the three sprites that players will all get to experience and ultimately choose one in their rank mission campaign. The one they choose is theirs to keep and level up. When other sprites are released in the future, they will not be 'starter sprites.' There will be other means of acquiring them, most likely after players have first completed the missions that grant you the starter sprites."

Very good, only three skills. Thank you. From the deepest, darkest, probably smelliest and least often cleaned depths of my disgustingly rotten heart. Or soul. Whatever you prefer to be looking at. Probably neither.

I would have more to say on this but the wording is vague enough to make me derp. Not that I would not be derp otherwise, but slightly more derp than the average herp. That makes sense.

Does that mean if I choose the gra- I mean, "bomb" or "assassin" one will have any effect on what Spiralmon I would be able to get in the future? For example, if you get Charma- I mean, the dragon, but someone else gets Pikach- I mean the weird cat thing, and in the future something like a turtle/Tortodrone, between the two of us only the other guy can get it? But if something like a laser vomiting walrus comes out only I can get it?

I feel like I need a shower after going through all this but at the same time I would rather eat a sandwich. Ever get that feeling? Not stinky enough to disgust yourself when you eat, but hungry enough to not care if you stank anyway. I could eat a sandwich in the shower but it would get soggy. I would start talking about the third and last page but it has everything we already talked about. I should eat a sandwich in the shower instead.

Are you still there? Are you still alive? Probably not, but if anyone is still alive and reading this and did not skip to the bottom expecting TLDR knowing I never do those you should have a good idea of what I think about all this. What a great conclusion. I should get a slap on the noggin. If you check the index under Spiralmon you will notice this is just my commentary and I plan to make my own ideas for it. Even though I was already making pet stuff. Again. Not the engineering stuff, the second group of pet stuff. It has an overview, food, and the little boogers themselves. I should move this whole post in the index under that pet stuff I already have and edit the overview a bit to suit a few official aspects of these pets. Or I could be a stubborn jerk and stop making suggestions. Not that anyone who refuses to make suggestions is a stubborn jerk, I mean after all the stuff I put up in this thread and all the nonsense put up with from other people and how close we are to getting something that could either completely destroy the game or be a nice addition I want to stick it out. If I have to die, I want to die with my boots on. No one is going to get that reference. Anyway. Expect pet stuff. Actually, expect nothing in the next couple days, since I should be continuing this instead of making this post anyway. Priorities. Now go get yourself some ice cream. You deserve it after all my babbling.

Those abilities were the first things that came to mind when I saw the announcement talking about what they do and look like. The dragon has the most direct attack, the flying cat does supportive defense stuff, and the zombie goast does "assassination" or delayed gratification.

When it comes to handing out penalties for a set of effects/bonuses/something-added-on-to-something-like-players-who-are-on-equal-grounds, the biggest set of negatives goes to whichever is the easiest and highest outputting one to use. There was an and between those two because they have to be holding hands to get the biggest bash on the head. If it has the highest output but the highest difficulty to use then the difficulty counterbalances the result. If it has the easiest use but the lowest output it counterbalances itself. Nick said the dragon has the most direct attacks, not necessarily the highest damage outputting, and since direct implies something as simple as smashing your face on the attack button to flop a sword around it combines easy use with undefined output. Would you prefer it dealing 30% damage of whatever attack you use through it, but after using that attack get a -30% damage, -20% attack speed penalty? For 20 seconds? Our knights already deal enough damage with direct attacks. If we get the opportunity to spew even more damage on top of that there should be consequences for easier requirements to get it.

Those three abilities are likely to change at least a little when I do the next Spiralmon stuff update for this thread specifically for the three starters. I can tell you right now the dragon abilities I have in mind all involve gaining offense in exchange for defense while the cat is mostly the opposite. Gengar gets to have fun tactical abilities that require the player to have an IQ higher than double digits. Rewarding competence. Teach players to be smarter to get better stuff. You know, like old retro games that never needed tutorials on how to do stuff because you would learn from playing the game. If you screw up you still have more chances. Your health is greater than one. Difficult puzzle, messed it up? Go off screen, come back, it resets. The kind of stuff that made people enjoy those games.

Is it too much to ask for this game to make people better gamers while being entertaining, or is the only thing that matters is getting to the max level so you can do something else?

Waiting on the Chaos set to be rerebalanced before continuing the next Spiralmon post. I already have it about a fourth done but by the looks of it the whole thing is going to be one of the longest posts in this whole thread. But it only goes up when the rerebalance happens and if that never comes then no Spiralmon stuff.

I guess I could keep writing it anyway. I could also make non-Spiralmon stuff again, especially since I have been having a few more ideas lately to spice things high enough to make hell seem plain tasting. Or I could continue working on suggestions for other games I enjoy which have competent content balancing teams. I am hungry.

I wish I could think of something to respond to that, Klippy Pippy, but that would be like saying I know exactly to the smallest detail how the four team defense effects in this thread would change the game. To put it in a way that will hopefully make sense, using the more difficult option gives you an advantage like distance range or area of effect over the average but not in a way that makes it blatantly overpowered in every way. If you look at the end result you get more but not a huge pantsful. If you go back to the process it involves more player intuition and problem solving than the average options and higher risks. I have never played Starcraft before but from what I have seen it looks like Age of Empires in space. I want to answer your quandary but I lack the complete experience in how it would play out in this game but I have seen it work in other games which have many many manatee differences from this game which make it significantly more difficult and team oriented. At least we have a test server to poke at it with sticks and more than enough people willing to join in on the action. This is starting to sound inappropriate.

Anyway, that was how I lost my medi-

No, the other thing.

Vernon? I missed you, buddy.

Yeah, shut up. I know you only cared about my stash.

Stache? Like mustache? You have a box of mustaches?

Y- What? No. Go read this and ignore the fodder threads.

You mean like the one where someone wants equipment to heat past level 10 and go up to 20?

Yeah. Why are you still here? Get out that door and look at the big thread. I hear they have new traps. You like that kind of stuff.

Gosh golly gee, I sure do. Tiddlywinks. Should I get something to eat first?

Sure whatever. Now stop talking to me.

Adventure.

I remember telling a couple people but I must have forgot the only place people see me for this game. For the past couple weeks that other game has been preparing for a huge rebalance update and addition of yet another new class (which makes 15 total classes, each unique) and another rebalance update and content addition to come out in April, the first of which is scheduled to happen tomorrow. As usual the rebalance involves a lot of punish-simplicity-while-rewarding-intelligence-and-creativity along with the usual pats on the noggin. With a fluffy red mitten. Grab that mitten and stuff it up my no-

So that is where I have been for the past few days. Chances are I will still be missing in action for the next week or two or eight. As you all probably expected I have had a few new ideas to eventually put up in this thread but between a game that captivates what interests me and another which is understaffed, under moderated, and under appreciative I think I know where my priorities are for a while. First order of business is to eat some peach pie.